Busted Flat in Knoxville

OK, we're back for another year of this mess. Things have been pretty quite for the past month as we've drank our way through the holidays. Now that we're through the bulk of them (sorry Presidents/MLK) the drudgery of work and winter return to the forefront. Shit, not cool. Though I am thankful to be employed since it helps with booze vouchers.

Here are a couple of notes tying up some loose ends from 2010 and looking ahead to a drunken, great year in 2011.

I have put myself through the wringer this bowl season, undertaking one of the greatest self-imposed challenges ever - watching every damn one of the 35 bowl games. It started back on 12/18 innocently enough when I had very little to do and watched the first 3 games. I was fired up (and impaired) and decided to make a go of this boast. Now 28 games later - including a brutal stretch of 3, 3, 4 and 6 games played on four consecutive days - I am over the hump to the other side. Watching the final seven games in 8 days will be like drinking a 6-pack of ponies on a hot day - almost too easy, yet satisfying nonetheless.

New Year's Day games were the most difficult to coordinate, forcing an early trip to a sports bar with multiple TV screens to take in the simulcast bowls. That was a rough 1-2 hour patch as we started 2011 staring at full beers after a night of heavy boozing for NYE. So rough that two hours into our day, the bar stool of our most accomplished lady-boozer just gave the fuck out and collapsed. We were surprised as QT slowly sank, then fell out of sight and landed flat on her ass for all to see. We were almost too baffled to laugh, but we did anyway. She was fine and got some free drinks out of the deal so all worked out in the end.

Our recent trip to Gatlinburg had an inside joke that is too lurid to share here, so I'll just say these three letters to annoy our drunkard reader MC: VPA. Eh, eh there? Did we ever get an answer? Please keep me posted.

Local recognition! The Metro Pulse did an article on local blogs you may not have read before and we were very surprised to be included. Call it a slow news cycle or year-end fodder, it was a nice little piece about some pretty cool sites that you can check out via the above link. Thanks MP!

That will do for now, I've got football to watch and beer to drink!

Do tell

Well, another long weekend in the books.

--Knoxville still standing? Yep.

--No warrants taken? We're cool.

--No pending hospitalization? Check.

--No strange tattoos. Okay.

--No Eastern European or South Asian bride? None.

Whew. Bring summer the fuck on.

You mean this isn't Memorial Day Weekend?

The good people at http://www.marriedtothesea.com/ have some excellent shit.

Damn. Another week till the summer becomes official in our tiny black hearts, if not on the calendar proper. We respect no conventional seasons here...as we often kick old man winter in the balls for the much more awesome Whiskey Season. Repeat readers here will know that we've had the Summer of Shunning, Fall of Intolerance and so forth.

To be frank, I've been under the weather this week and in my confused state this morning I panicked for a minute or two thinking that this weekend was the great American ceremony of getting shitfaced around a grill and preferably near water as well as Old Glory. Fortunately, we have another week to mull this honored holiday's schedule, so I would encourage all of you to do the same if you have yet to do so. Enjoy it folks, knock back a silly amount of cocktails and get out regardless of weather. It's your duty as a drunk. Come to think of it, that advice is sound for every day.

Happy New Year

Feh.

Another labored Holiday with the no-fun patrol out in force, warm champagne in one's hand while you wait for the rest of the bubbly to pour, a hurried and insincere kiss(in my case), finally culminating in a fitful sleep.

At least this year we won't have to wait/wake up at dawn's crack to watch Tennessee in another mid-tier bowl game first thing in the damn morning.

I think I will tie one on over the weekend to make my point.

What a Surprise...

The holiday weekend is upon us - beware! A new & non-creative campaign by KPD drops the hammer on 4th of July drivers.

Chief Owen said, “Simply put, we will not tolerate motorists’ who are driving while impaired. If you are driving under the influence, you will go to jail.”

Well color me surprised. I have noticed those stupid signs they are so proud of and have two words for the ingenious ripoff: Fuck Off! I read the article about the new signs last week and was thoroughly unimpressed. So some broad saw similar signs elsewhere and decided it would be a good idea for Knoxville. What-the-fuck-ever. Like we need a sign outside the liquor store or a favorite restaurant to warn us Big Brother is watching.Fuck their DUI signs. Fuck their stupid campaigns. Fuck off in general.