Drunken Jukebox Mark Zwei

Behold Denis Leary. We've all heard this one.


Drunken Jukebox

In what may (or may not) become a regular DK feature, behold the Drunken Jukebox: Music to Motivate Your Liver. A little bit country, a little bit rock ‘n roll, punk, rap and pop crap, old or new– all musical genres and periods are open for exploitation. Quarters and crisp dollar bills not required.

This inaugural installment features a classic rock anthem for your musical/drinking entertainment.


Danger Powers

At a moment of impulse I picked up this bottle of Irish whiskey to sample this weekend. And by sample I mean drink the whole damn thing. Surprisingly I’ve never had this brand before. Initially I was going to buy my usual Jameson’s, then I saw Bushmill’s and Powers sitting side by side and had to make a decision. After a second or two of drunken synaptic misfires my right hand reached out and grabbed the Powers off the shelf. I strode with pride to the register, made my purchase and completed the entire transaction in about 1 minute flat. Somehow the bottle remains unopened and I have yet to have a sip, but I suspect that won’t be the case very much longer.

Heheheh, I laugh every time. The first (and best) Austin Powers is comic gold. Or is it Powers Gold?


Couple of quick nods today. First, on the cutting edge(not really) of drinking technology we have this:


Ah, the ascension of the modern drunk means that we can't be bothered by refills. Just pour the entire damn thing into this goblet and terrorize your home. Amazon's failure to market this with a carpet cleaner package is proverbial.

Also, from the convicts we have this fine idea:


Lazy Fridays...yes, an idea that must find purchase here. Ah, the Aussies...I can almost forgive the Gallipoli disaster, the multitude of lethal flora and fauna, and the wrong direction of your toilets if you keep coming up with gems like these.


Fortune and assorted leg-spreading

But the swift runner Achilles broke in sharply-"Field marshal Atreides, lord of men Agamemnon, produce the gifts if you like, as you see fit, or keep them back, it's up to you. But now-quickly, call up the wild joy of war at once!

-The Iliad, Book 19

Indeed. And so here we are, after some weeks of rumour and whispers we finally have the bottle of Maker's 46. Ye which is aged a bit longer with oak staves. Clever, and unsettling, for we are unaccustomed to fucking with a proven winner. After all, did Jack Daniels not buttfuck us?

We need not have worried. Thanks to our friends at Downtown-who even now stock this winner-I picked up one of these new bottles for the weekend. The wax is just like Maker's Mark proper, although we noticed that the wax seal on the front was somewhat curious. Getting the cork aside-Mackey, HL, and yours truly knocked back a few strong belts. The added oak adds smoothness, and although I feel it similar to other mid 90's proof bourbons you can tell that it's a big deal from a major distillery. It won't burn you up like the 100 plus motherfuckers either.

Thus, we addressed the afternoon...gulp by gulp, drink by drink building a wall of sweet numbness.

Handy the hand puppet: Even now, he sulks in his tree house like Achilles in his tent! ...Achilles?... The Iliad?... It's Homer?...

The Human Ton: Your Tick won't come. He's sulking in his tent like a guy from Chile!
Arthur: ...Don't you mean 'Achilles'?

Handy the hand puppet: [To the Human Ton] You're making us look like jerks! I told you already, READ A BOOK!

The Tick— "The Tick vs. Arthur's Bank Account"

Dear Lord, it was exhausting...ethos or no. The consensus of the smashed was that Maker's 46 is a worthy addition to the whisky family. At 94 proof it is slightly heavier than regular Maker's, and I cannot say that I would choose to pay the modest upcharge over the regular MM that I love so much.

Varenus rushes on briskly with his sword and carries the combat on hand-to-hand, and having slain one man, for a short time drove back the rest; while he urges on eagerly, he fell. To him, in turn Pulfio brings relief and both having slain a great number, retreat into the fort amidst the highest applause. Fortune so dealt with both in this rivalry that one competitor was a safeguard to the other, nor could it be determined which of the two appeared worthy of being preferred to the other.

Julius Caesar -Gallic Wars

So yeah, we got bombed. Spectacularly so, and with great vulgarity. Turns out there's a big X marking the spot beneath the seal. Insults were made, and wounds still fester. I think though we're going for wings in the morning so it's cool. Oh yeah, and if you are looking for a nice bourbon as a gift or just something different to sip on, pick up a bottle of 46. It'll nail your stones to the table. Cheers fuckface.

$4 BLT

Mmmm. I had this tasty BLT Saturday morning at the Farmers Market on Market Square. I wasn't planning on having breakfast but when I realized that I was slightly hungover and hungry but not wanting to have a sit-down meal I checked out the sidewalk food vendors. Cruze Farms caught my eye and I decided to grab a biscuit and go, but at the last second I changed my mind to have the BLT and I'm glad that I did. The ciabatta roll was an unexpected surprise and the large rashers of Benton's bacon were superb. Sitting on the curb eating my newly discovered favorite breakfast sandwich made my day, and that's saying something for 10 AM.


Mixed Bag - Random Shit

Well, well, whattya know? Somebody was able to cook a pizza and not burn the house down. And that somebody was ME! It wasn't too long ago that I came home after a night of boozing and decided to have a late night snack. They tried to warn me. Things didn't work out that evening but this time I managed to stay awake and remove the pie on time, cooked and seasoned to perfection. Suck it!!

Latitude 35 has been chugging along nicely since their grand opening. I've been several times for breakfast, lunch, dinner and just plain drinky-time. So far so good, though there have been a couple of hiccups you'd expect with a new establishment. Some have been unpreventable like when the AC units went out and it was a humid 85 degrees inside, or the 100 degree Sundown with Blues Traveller when an obese, unhealthy woman passed out on the patio right at the front door. Others small things like ambivalent service or poor sandwich construction will work themselves out over time. Behold the Cajun Shrimp Po'Boy (HL or MC's?):

and the Providence Brisket sandwich.

Both look and tasted delicious but damn were they a mess to eat. Another sandwich, the Waldorf Chicken (not pictured) wasn't so good IMO. Briefly: the chicken slab was at least 3" shorter than the baguette (chicken should be sliced) and the granny smith apples were too thick and bulky (I suggest a Julienne cut). But oh well, I ate the whole damn thing and sweet potato fries to boot.
The 100 block of Gay Street is set to re-open with a ribbon cutting ceremony next Monday, July 19. It will be nice to see the new work they've done and much easier to drive or bike through that part of town. Just a week or two ago I was passing through and noticed a difficult step in front of Ollanty's Havana Nights:

Maybe if you got a running start you could make it in the front door. Hopefully they have repaired that by now. I've been there only a handful of times and can't say it is one of my favorite places but it always has friendly service and they have great happy hour prices so it is worth a try if you're looking for a change of pace downtown. Plus you can hide there and be certain that none of your friends will think to look for you there. (shit, not anymore).
And finally here are some recent graffiti additions on the Wall St. side of 36 Market Square. Enjoy them while they last, according to the KNS Property Scope blog it appears the newly designed building will no longer have room for random shit painted everywhere.

The Mer-man? Mer-murder?

The Flying Vagina?

Lilo & Stitch reject?



As with most of you, we've been enjoying our summer evenings and weekends by getting loaded. We've been bayoneting kegs like The Somme and at remarkable speed no less.

Back in the college days, most young men will eventually acquire a full set of keg materials. Usually, you can get the keg pretty easily. The basin or trash can, for reasons I will shortly explain, can easily be obtained although it should come last. The tap is where most of us dipshit collegians run into trouble, so for a while you have to pay the damn deposit at Pilot.

And it had to be Pilot, because back then the Cumberland locale was the primary keg arsenal for the UTK student. Upon retrospect, I do wish there were more options but there was a reassuring and remarkable simplicity to obtaining a keg on short notice. The big yellow Pilot trash cans represented the epitome of serious drinking street cred, if your kegger sported the obscene yellow and red bastards, you were at a professional party. Utterly bizarre hierarchy. Also, if you had a backup tap(hubris) you were not to be trifled with in any capacity. What kind of rat bastard psycho has that kind of walking around change at 22?

Over the years, my items were passed along to a younger generation...which was good and proper. It also helps that Mackey and HL have kegerators, so I am cheating. They at times seem beset with attractive keg options...what with our fine friends at Woodruff and Bearden Beer Market leading the way. Pilot abides, as ever. Krogers and some of the nicer Ingles supermarkets will sell kegs in some capacity, and we've even seen a quick trip to Wallyworld bear some fruit. With great keg, comes great responsibility so choose your primary provider carefully. I mean, at least as much scrutiny as one's physician, since you'll be needing a score of those(conjecture).

Recently, during our trip to the Thunder Nationals, we had to go back to a fuck ton of bottled and canned beer which brings the usual logistical concerns. How much do we need? Coolers necessary? Of course, we started with a figure-and then doubled it. We still felt uneasy with that seemingly insignificant sum, so we invoked boozer pincet, by which we also buffet that beer with well over a gallon of liquor.

Terrible, terrible things.

Since it was frowned upon to wheel a keg in the grandstands anyway, we took our estimate for cooler ice and doubled it.

Still woefully inadequate, it turned out. Fortunately enterprising locals saved our asses by driving the ice truck from campsite to campsite. We salute this man for his American character and spirit. His timely delivery allowed all eight cases to perish with honor. He and Mackey engaged in a 20 minute conversation for some reason.

So as we return to the free-flowing greatness that is keg beer, we think back to that fuzzy and vague weekend with great fondness. At least kegerators don't require some hoary Norse iceman to pull our nuts out of the fire.



As you know, we are big Maker's Mark consumers. We've consistently chosen this winner for about a decade now due to its fine taste, great lore and tradition, and it's potent punch. But first, here's a picture taken from our recent trip to the Thunder Nationals.

The pineapple is emphasized. You can gauge this hefty bastard as a handle. We clobbered it, of course.

I digress, and now I get to my point. We Maker's Ambassadors have been told for months now to expect a new product from those fine people and we are thrilled with the release of "46" with the first bottles being dipped literally days ago. While it might be a while yet before we can drink them off the shelves, rest assured we'll give a full update.