Endorsement: Package Store

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Our Saving Brews

Hey Mackey I’ve got it, I’ve got it! Something good did happen this Saturday. This Sat. started the 14 day count down to the Knoxville Brewers Jam; now one of the better Saturdays in the fall. So what if it’s on the same day as the Georgia game, it couldn’t have picked a better year for that to happen. The Brewers Jam is one of the great drinking days of the year here; start early with an excited drinking frenzy, then unleash on the town hidden by the many drunks that all flood the bar.
We are going to do a small preview of some of the attending breweries, it won’t including everything, sort of a must hit before it’s gone. You have to prioritize your booth route by what you must have and when it might run out. This will show some of my favorites in no order, so you can decide on your own, whose line you will be waiting in and which ones you will let be drank by others.

First:

All around quality brewery, nothing outstanding, nothing undrinkable. Well brewed products that you are happy to see at somebody’s party, but never the thing you’re jumping up and down excited over. They make a group of very drinkable beers that aren’t to edgy, but that is more of what we need, there are too many imperial vanilla eight hop pilsners if there’s even one. I recommend the St. Terese’s Pale Ale, or the Kashmir IPA, the Gaelic Ale is only palatable at best and readily available in town.

Second:
Heading in a complete different direction are these unbalanced canines. Let me start with the fact their Founder was good friends with Hunter S. Thompson, and Ralph Steadman does their art work too. Check out their website and read their story if that does not paint a good enough picture for you. Problem is their art work and beer names are more memorable than the beer, but only sometimes. If you can find the Horn Dog barley wine or Kerberos triple you're in luck, any of their ales are good, but I am not a fan of their In Heat Wheat.

Oh shit this going to be fun! Stay tuned for more can't miss beers and can miss ones.

Monday Hangover

We already know that the Vols shat the bed on Saturday. We watched with anxiety and angst as they almost snatched victory from the jaws of defeat, which would have put us in a position to possibly have a decent season since Florida and Georgia both decided to lay down. A win would have really put us right back in the thick of things, even with our inept QB. And now it appears ole Phil is opening up the competition - only 4 games into the season too late. Great.

To make the weekend of sports worse, my NFL team got their asses handed to them by Brett Favre. So much for that 2-0 start. Way to let an ancient QB who has been in the league a million years reach another milestone with an inferior team. Not to mention those terrible uniforms of the real Titans.

All this suckeration and disappointment tends to make me think something good is about to happen. Things can't stay so shitty for this long. Something great is just around the corner. A new dawn after a long, dark, scary night. What we need is a new bar to rise up from the ashes and shake this town up:

Shit. Goddamnyouhawkeyesforeverclosingyourfuckingdoors!!!

Russian Dinner

Vodka...









must be drank...

until gone

Weekend Options

Now that UTAD and Fat Phil have let down the Vol Nation the weekend just doesn’t appeal to me as much as it should and I’m pissed. Back when we were relevant the weekend took care of itself during football season: Friday nights were social occasions to meet up with your buddies and have some after-work drinks, make final arrangements for the game, and make it home at a decent enough time not to ruin game day with a hangover; Saturdays you tailgated (drank a lot) went to/watched the game that we won on most occasions (even against quality opponents) then you celebrated the night away; Sundays you didn’t mind the hangover so much and eased into the afternoon by watching glorious NFL football on TV.

Shit, things change. Now I have to come up with plans on my own. Tonight I’m considering hosting a Russian Dinner with a few friends. Eh comrades, eh? (Not to be confused with a Russian Sip). I have a ½ drank handle of Vikingfjord that needs to be disposed of properly, so I figure why not get a few drunks together at my place? The idea is to gather around the table with said liter of vodka, have some genial conversation, and drink shots until every drop of vodka is gone and dispose of the bottle underneath the table. I figure that should be a good start to the weekend. Any takers?

Great Drunks of the Silver Screen 5.0

The biggest no-brainer of them all. Not a bit of difference between character and real life.

Mr. Blutarsky.

Strengths: zero-point-zero.

Weaknesses: zero-point-zero.

In all truth, one could have added mustard and prick pants to the weaknesses, but like Senator Blutarsky I was on a roll. His shining example of functional alcoholism is not diminished by three decades of hackneyed copycats and shameless assholes that find shirts with "COLLEGE" written on them to be cool. Editorial: You haven't paid the freight pal...you haven't earned what John Belushi earned, so unless you know what a real speedball is-knock that shit off.

Professional Drinker?

Reds Pitcher Kent Mercker on his future: "I'm starting my new profession -turning vodka into urine."

That is the best quote of the year so far from a professional athlete. Apparently Mercker is nearing the end of his long career in baseball and the quote is a reply to an 8 page letter to potential free agents. From the Dayton Daily News:

KENT MERCKER, who hasn’t pitched early June due to a bad back, was handed an envelope in the clubhouse and he quickly ripped it open, scanned the thick multi-paged letter and tossed it into the trash.

“Talk about a waste eight pages of paper,” he said. “It was addressed to: ‘All potential free agents.’ “

Mercker will be a free agent, but as he said, “What kind of market is out there for me?” Then he paused and said, “Well, hey. I’m left-handed, I’m 40 and I’m well-rested.”

Mercker has tried to play long toss and throw off the mound, “But my back is not working.” Most likely he is headed for retirement and said, “I’m starting my new profession — turning vodka into urine.”

Source: Dayton Daily News

Sheepish Tuesday

Saturday's fuckery is almost 3 days history and I'm still licking my wounds. No, I'm not talking about the Vols loss, I expected them to get their arses kicked. I'm talking about my inability to walk down the street without running face-first into a concrete light pole and scarring my handsome visage. I have a recent history of this behavior. The strawberry on my cheek looks something like that brown growth thing on Drew Brees' face. And I should point out that this occurred on the way to the game, not well into the evening after consuming way too many cocktails. I can't even remember most of that night and from what I've been told I don't want to. I'm down, but not out. Maimed, not broken. I'll be back.

Product Review: Bulleit Bourbon

Kindly note that this was the very first thing we could get our hands on following the annual Fulmer Florida Fuckup...though we have consumed this somewhat recent newcomer bourbon before, this was the inaugural medicinal usage. I believe that's the reason we pitched it into Mackey's tomato plant. Saturday evening was somewhat of a blur as you may already know.

Like many of the brown liquors acquired by Seagrams over the years, Bulleit has been available in the states for about a decade. It has a prominent rye distinction and packs a solid punch at 90 proof.

Bulleit does not have a rich history like many bourbons...being discontinued for many decades; so I find the claim of being a "Frontier" whiskey to be curious. The bottle and label seem like anachronisms to the 19th century, but the flavor is quite pedestrian apart from the oaky concentration.

I'm still a Maker's man...with a little Knob Creek on the side for the most part. That still doesn't mean I won't drink this brand if I find it in your house, so best keep it away from me if you want to keep it.

Monday Hangover

Oh god. These hangovers just keep getting worse and worse. Not necessarily the alcohol withdrawal and headaches, but more exactly the ass-kicking my body, mind and social reputation take week after week. And sometimes the aches are backed up by scars for evidence.

All my bitchin' and whining aside, this past Friday was some of the most fun fun fun I've had in a long time, and definitely the best group outing we've had since starting the blog. No, fuck a group outing. This was a Drinking Summit - a planned night of boozing that is worthy of capitalized letters. All the authors of Drinking Knoxville were there (see upper right section - I'm too lazy to type them here). We met, we drank, we carried on, we drank more, we moved next door, drank some more, ate and drank, then moved across the street and drank some more, we cussed, we lied, we made fun of each other, we made fun of strangers, we smoked and drank, and then moved on to yet another bar and really started drinking, shots, shots, shots, shots, singing (loud, awful singing), more drinks, and I think that's about all. Then I went home and started breaking shit in my condo. A great night all around.

Okay, maybe I can provide a little bit more information. This Drinking Summit needed to happen for a number of reasons:

• We all knew it was our last hurrah before the Vols officially ruined the season
• The authors had not been together as a group for a long time
• I felt compelled to get very drunk in public
  

We started our evening at Sullivan's in the Old City. This location was a last minute replacement after discovering Calhoun's on the River had been infiltrated by the Jort Nation and there wasn't a seat to be had anywhere at the outside patio. Undaunted by their presence we quickly move to the backup location and continue our drinking quest. Sullivan's used to be a favorite college hangout where you could arrive early, grab the large front table by the window and drink as long as you had money to spend. Things haven't changed all that much in 10 years because that is exactly how we started the night.

One of the funnier things to start the night was watching this guy in a wheelchair. (Before you start damning me to hell it should be known that he is a notorious panhandler around those parts known for his unusual behavior) We noticed this man "walking" through the intersection while sitting in the wheelchair about the same time a patrol car pulled up next to him. The cop was obviously aware who this person was because he also had a smile on his face just watching the man walk his chair from place to place. The "wheelchair walker" was rather drunk and started disrobing as time passed, and I wish I could've taken a picture of him raising his can of booze to us in salute as we all watched the show.

We then moved on to the Backroom BBQ and continued the summit. We were drinking heavily and food became necessary at the rate we were knocking 'em back. If you haven't been there before I would recommend it to anyone who likes bbq. (Ask what is fresh because they smoke different things on different days) The brisket sandwich is my favorite but it wasn't fresh so I went with the pork sandwich, still a solid choice.

Drinks, drink, drinks. We admire the classic Schlitz beer sign that was at the head of the table and wished the new, old recipe was available around these parts so we could have some of that old school brew. Soon enough, but for now we soldier on.

We're gaining momentum at this point and roll over to Manhattan's where we run into all kinds of people we know. Who knew people still went to these same bars just like back in the day? It was good to see some familiar faces in old places. The drinks keep coming, Coors this time. Banquet beer. Ah yes, I'm feeling it now. We all are, but not enough to slow down. We change venues for the 3rd (and final) time of the night and move it up the road to Preservation Pub. That is where the shots come in. Jager, check. Goldschlager, check. Kamikaze, check. I think I'm forgetting something but you get the idea - a shot parade!

One of Knoxville's best little cover bands, Big Bad Jukebox, was playing that night and they sounded great as always. We're feeling no pain at this point, I'm howling at the moon (or band), jokes are flying, laughs are shared, and we get outta there in one piece. I think that I mentioned going home to break some stuff. That wasn't the goal, just what happened. Mission accomplished!

End of the night?

I'm still a polite drunk

Now you have seen our official stance on the head coach here at UT, well now I want to take the time to thank him in what is hopefully the last time I have to address the Ron Zook loving fat ass. Thank you for letting me get so stinking angry drunk on Sat. night, and not being the only one. We had a great time drinking bottles of bourbon we didn't need, and discussing your replacement. Thank you for waisting the collage careers of all 1 or 2 good players on our team (sorry Eric). And last, thank you for saving me so much money this football season. It is much cheaper to buy that bottle of bourbon then the overpriced tickets your selling to pay for your too many houses. Even now that the price on those tics. has plummeted I sill will not be buying any just to make sure there are more empty seats then full. I will stop here because I am sure there are many more people here in this city who would like to thank you; as the economy nose-dives in Knoxville, except of course for the liquor stores.

Fire Phillip Fulmer

The authors endorse this heavy act. It's time to piss some old people off.

Friday Mess

What up Knoxville? It's a home game weekend for the Vols, so I know everybody out there will be drinking heavily. We open the SEC schedule with a tough one. But know what? Fuck Florida! Here is a recipe and a couple of gadgets to inspire heroic intakes of booze and beer. Drink up!

Downtown Wine + Spirits offers a perfect game day cocktail. Sign up for their newsletter here: (newsletter@dtwine.com)

Tennessee Daisy(named after the orange and white daisies that were the inspiration for UT's colors)

1oz. Vodka
2oz. of Mathilde XO Orange Liqueur
2oz. of Looza Apricot juice
2oz. of Orange Juice

Mix ingredients with ice in a shaker. Serve in a chilled fru-fru or large martini glass with whipped cream on top.

That's nice and all, but I think I'll be sticking to the beer and bourbon


The Bierstick
For those times when shotgunning a beer just isn't enough. Here comes the Bierstick. Follow the links and watch the video, if for nothing else just to see that kid acting a fool (like we all used to do)

From their site:

So long, beer bong...Drink up to 24 ounces in less than two seconds. The Bierstick is crafted from high-quality FDA approved materials. Its durable, compact design makes it very discreet — small enough to fit in a backpack. The friction-fit mouthpiece allows for easy filling and cleaning, leaving zero mess. If you think you can drink, you haven’t seen anything yet.

http://www.bierstick.com/

http://www.bierstick.com/Instructions.aspx

Not so fast! (a la Corso)

The guys at Octabong beg to disagree. They have a remarkable beer bong unlike anything I've ever seen. This thing is made for a party:

That image probably isn't doing much for ya, so here is an action shot that better demonstrates the use of this ingenious device:Oh yeah, now we're talkin'. I know a few people who would love to see one of those on the lake next summer. The Octabong would be nice too - ba da bing! Click the link for more pics, etc. Enjoy the weekend drunks...

http://www.octabong.com/

No Thanks

This morning as I stopped by the local convenience store for a fix of my latest addiction, coffee, I took a second to browse the beer aisle to see if there were any new brands on the market I should care about. In short, no. However I did notice a couple of products that need to be shat upon.

Twisted Tea

These malt-flavored farces of shit never stop hitting the shelves. Hearkening back to their introduction in the 80's, products like Bartles & James, Le Croix, and Matilda Bay wine coolers ushered in a new wave of alco-pops that unfortunately stayed with us. Novice drinkers are the only people excused from drinking this mess, and it is only a temporary pass. If you're in college or 22+ it's time to move on. I guess I'll give a break to some ladies out there that just don't like the taste of beer, but no man should ever be caught drinking these. God forbid you show up at the lake with a cooler of this swill amongst all the lake beer. Do the words "Man overboard!" mean anything? Man up and drink an ice pick, pussy. Vodka, tea, ice, done.

Bud Light Lime

This shit is the beer equivalent of Tostitos corn chips with lime. I'd be surprised if they didn't share the same exact seasoning. It's crap, we all know it's crap, and if you don't you should have your drinking privileges revoked. Know what? If you want lime flavored beer do like everybody else and get a goddamned Mexican beer: Tecate, Corona, Dos Equis, Negra Modello, etc., stick a lime wedge in it and STFU.

Crunk (not Crunk Juice)

This isn't alcohol, but there is a cocktail called "crunk juice" I'll address in a moment. I'm not hip enough to be part of the rap, gangsta, hip-hop, etc. scene and probably never was, but I think I've been crunk before. If it meant "cranky-drunk" then definitely. This product may as well have the word "Dogg" labeled all over it since they are trying to identify with their target market in da 'hood. I guess this is the answer to Rock Star energy drink; who cares. As I mentioned there is Crunk Juice, a cocktail made with cognac and Red Bull. I'd give it a try at least once, it couldn't be that bad. May as well sub Crunk for Red Bull for some extra props, yo!

Read this sumbitchin blog

I am acquainted with the author. Top post regards the dreaded Jort Nation that is already descending on East Tennessee. Not for the faint of heart, or dipshit homer Vol fans that continue to support the farce on The Hill.

http://workinglikeheck.blogspot.com

Gawful

A little while ago, I was reading a sports message board I frequent in preparation for the UT shit-the-bed party this weekend.

One of the side threads I read with great amusement was a question about so-called "man laws" regarding BYOB protocols. Some of you may remember the dreadful Miller Lite commercials a few years ago with Mike Ditka, Burt Reynolds, and other paid shills that most likely wouldn't drink a Miller product if it was the last alcohol on Earth. The disparity of entertainment value from beer commercials these days is quite sad when compared to the glory days of alcohol advertisement in the early 80s. Ed "Too-Tall" Jones and Dick Butkus shit on the booze spots of the 21st century...and I dare you Captain Morgan pose making faggots to tell them otherwise.

Anyway, the specific question was whether or not it is okay to leave a party with any unconsumed beer you brought with you, or if said beer becomes property of the host. Technically the question is valid...and according to the clearinghouse that is Modern Drunkard Magazine, beer brought to a party transfers ownership at the end of the festivities. In short, buy more beer you cheap rube.

Here's my take however: This question is only partially valid. The proponents and chest thumpers that think it is cool to codify what a "man law" is fail to see the forest for the trees. A real man won't have to ask this question because a real man will DRINK EVERY DAMN THING HE BROUGHT WITH HIM. Moreover, if the party is really righteous he will also raid the fridge for booze that isn't his. The professional mercenary drunkard will also comb through cabinets in both kitchen and bathroom, utility and linen closets, laundry hampers and the garage for hidden booze. Trust me, find a bottle of premium vodka one time in a dresser drawer and you will sort through panties and boxer shorts for the next ten years hoping lightning will strike twice.

In short, make all the cute laws you want...I'll be too busy chugging your Newcastle Brown Ales to care.

Just some fun

Even though this is grossly inaccurate it's still a bit of fun. Here is a link to the Thursday Club, and their Drink-o-meter.


http://www.iondesign.net/drinkometer/


The Thursday Club is a travel and review web site all about an entertain night out in any city, with some promotion of drinking (not on our level). The drink-o-meter may be their best contribution. Overall it's not to accurate; no mention of front loading, drinks at home on a Tuesday night, the half ones you fall asleep on, or the next morning recovery beer, not to mention work drinks. I advise you to enter some different numbers to see what happens. And drink-0-meter 2 sucks till you get to the end.

Great Drunks of the Silver Screen 4.0

This installment, I give you an entire legacy of drunks: The Nerds

::gestures dramatically::

Tochi from Revenge of the Nerds













Oh I drink to that!

Strengths: Vast scientific knowledge, screaming for vengeance, drunk tricycle riding

Weaknesses: Nerd, the letters L and R, preternatural obsession with hair pie

Ah yes, the resurgence of the college party film that began with Animal House passes the baton to the venerable Revenge of the Nerds series. (disclaimer: only the first two, anything else reeks of burning dogshit) Tochi breaks down stereotypes of Asians being poor drivers and even worse drinkers. Tochi is key to the Tri-Lambs victory against the rotten, but handsome, Alpha Betas and their Pi counterparts. Tochi is apprentice to this man:













Booger aka Dudley Dawson


















Strengths: Blowing the fuckers up, wonderjoints, belching contests

Weaknesses: Filth, Omega Mu(the moos), preternatural obsession with hair pie

Booger is a piece of work. This slice of human debris is a primary character in the films. That is also to say, primarily drunk and disgusting. Booger is seen constantly drinking and smoking his way through Adams College...that is when is he not combing the high schools for dates. Booger assists his fraternity to win the utterly fanciful campus games by defeating Ogre during a beer-fueled belching contest. Very academic and cosmopolitan, Dudley Dawson is the epitome of refinement.

During the second film, Booger hones his...skills under this horrid man:




















Edgar Po Wong. They call him Snotty.














Strengths: Fuck you. Who died and made you God?

Weaknesses: Fuck you. Who died and made you God?

Snotty is encountered shortly into the second film, as the idiots travel to Florida. Like most of America's elderly, Snotty has come to the Hotel Coral Essex presumably to die in his own waste. Even the veteran Booger finds Snotty's putrescence appalling. Snotty has an impressive knowledge of chemistry and cocktails that would gag a billy goat.

Most of the 1980's college films have a rich and diverse grouping of drunks. Indeed, some purists might question the omission of Ogre from this list. Fair point. But then again, go fuck yourself.

While You're Working

This is pretty cool. A new product for those times when you're at your computer and need a cold beer but can't find a damn bottle opener. Leave it to the Germans to add another functional tool for drinking.

I found this while browsing online today

From the official website:

USB stick CO with bottle opener The USB stick CO is a mobile data storage device in a solid, brushed aluminium housing. It is special because it incorporates an extra bottle opener function combining practical data storage with a thirst-quenching aid that is always to hand. The USB stick CO has a Hi-Speed USB 2.0 connection for extra-fast data transfer (read rate: 25 MB/s, write rate 12 MB/s). It is bootable, pre-formatted and ready for immediate use without a driver. The USB stick CO is suitable for Windows® 2000, XP, Vista, Mac® OS X and Linux® from Kernel 2.6.x. It is available with 1, 2, 4, 8 and 16 GB of memory.

See, I told you it was cool. Kinda makes me thirst for a cold brew right now.

Unacceptable Bar Tunes

I just came across this list of 14 Songs You Should Never Play in a Bar. So true.

Why do this to myself

This is something I am not used to; I have been at a loss for words, but never a loss for drinks. Football season has already been so harsh for me in such a short time I don’t feel like doing anything, but you can’t just sit at home and watch TV like I would normally do to think about something other than my troubles. Because I would usually turn on sports and get into a game and basically not think for a while. But now my problem is sports. I shouldn’t be taking this so hard because I have been here so many times with the teams I cheer for. They just all seem to be in the crapper right now and I can’t think of much else. Usually you have one team doing ok in another sport or level of a sport keeping your hopes up, but not me, not now. It’s so bad I didn’t even feel like drinking yesterday, as I am sulking, and swearing threw out the house. It was an odd feeling but I couldn’t think about much else but the losing and repulsive play of my teams, even UT didn’t impress me enough to make up for UCLA. So as the second round of games started to close I had to do something. What can I do to forget about this for a while? Oh yeah; DRINKING!

And I went to sleep just fine.

Upon further review

In keeping with Mackey's relevant and timely post about the home opener...I must conclude that he is dead on about the misery that is the 12:30 kickoff. It's a forgone conclusion that the UTAD doesn't care about the common fan...subjecting the home folks to a miserable late summer kickoff with a subpar team and dolt for a coach is to be expected. (side note to Mike Hamilton...maybe we should have played UAB at home before going out west? Keep that in mind next time, you oaf)

Still, having attended more games than most over my 36 years, I have adapted in the past to such an immoderate time. You do get up early and tie on one...and truly, pre-noon drinks are to be relished and enjoyed. Usually Mackey and I are on top of our smartass selves, heckling and cursing every little thing that offends us:

This year's opener felt like a trip to the dentist, sans gas. The lack of energy and indeed...the availability of IPA is a recipe for lethargy and malaise. Instead of hardcore boozing and mockery of UAB fans, homer Vol idiots, and trips to either the Strip or Downtown for post game tomfoolery we watched some other games on the measty television. We hit Nama for some kick ass sushi and modest drinks at Downtown Grill and Brewery. So thanks for the fun and games UTAD...

You put two complete drunken rowdy assholes to sleep.

Before Things Get Too Ugly

The Vols opened their home schedule this past weekend with a lollipop game vs. UAB. The 12:30 kickoff was brutal, forcing me to start drinking at 7:45 a.m. to get my game time buzz. Here are a couple of pics to celebrate the opening home game of the season. There seemed to be a lack of excitement around campus and the not-so-full stadium. I guess losing the season opener to a underdog team (that lost 59-0 this week) will do that to your fan base.

I want to enjoy this minor victory for just a moment, because we now enter the SEC portion of the schedule that brings Florida this weekend and sends us to Auburn and Georgia in the coming month. Fuck. We're facked! But allow me to say Fuck Florida anyway, just on principle.

A tip of the hat to UT concessions who actually put condiments in the wrapper for Smokey dogs! No Gulden's mustard, but it's a start.

And one last shameless plug for the Southern Graces Skybox. We'll see if they have any luck getting people to attend their "tailgate" with the Vols facing an uphill battle this weekend.

A New Hope - Ft. Sanders Yacht Club

The Cumberland Avenue “strip” isn’t what it used to be. Everyone I’ve read and talked to agrees that it has declined right before our eyes the last decade or so. I’ll skip all my favorite bar memories and jump right into the best new place (bar) I’ve seen there in a long time.

Ft. Sanders Yacht Club is a “barcade” that has been open since spring and seems to have enough momentum to keep it going a while. Video games have taken over the planet. I hadn’t played one in a decade and haven’t had a gaming system since the Atari 2600, but FSYC has 1980’s era video games that I can still play and not have to relearn everything. Plus there’s a bar right in the corner selling beer! The bottled selection is pretty standard but still good enough for anybody to find something they can drink, and they have 3 beers on tap. Happy hour is 12 – 9 and I think they have a $2 bottle special all the time but I could be wrong (Sierra Nevada Porter was on special last time I went). All this and more can be found on their official website. The place isn't very big. It stretches narrowly from the entry to the back patio with arcade games lined on both sides, but it is comfortable enough and has a laid back vibe.

The thing I like best about this place is that it is owned and operated by some guys who went to UT, and that it isn’t a franchise. Or a chicken or sandwich shop. And they serve beer with a gimmick that works. I definitely need to improve my skills – my 14 year old self would be embarrassed by my pathetic scores at Dig Dug, Asteroids, Galaga, Tetris and even Ms. Pacman. I sucked at them all, but there are definitely more games I want to go back and play, while drinking. At 25c a game I can afford to get blown up or eaten alive as long as I catch a buzz while it happens. And don't act like you're too good for Dig Dug! You know you want to pump those little floating bastards full of hot air til they pop, and maybe excavate some rocks to fall on the dragon.

Vikingfjord

Vikingfjord is vodka with purity at an excellent value. I just heard of this product about 6 months ago from our friends at Downtown Wine + Spirits on Gay St and it has become my staple mixing vodka of choice. I was stocking up on Maker’s Mark and needed some additional booze for my bar and the store clerk suggested I give it a try. Priced around $20 a handle it is just a hair more than mid-range vodkas like Smirnoff and Svedka, but the quality is much better and costs a lot less than Stoli, Kettle One and Grey Goose.

The official website gives the full explanation of how it’s made of 5,000 year old glacier ice, the 6 step filtration process, drink recipes, etc. My concerns are always about drinkability and how it tastes. Vodka is not something I drink neat, on the rocks, or in a martini, therefore taste isn’t a primary concern for me in this instance. However Vikingfjord happens to taste just fine straight out of the bottle – smooth and no burning, horrible ethanol aftertaste; this is not Popov. So far I’ve had it with ice picks, bloody marys, the usual juices and tonics. Works every time.

Since it is filtered so well they must want you to drink a shitload of it because there isn’t a pour spout on it to speak of (the ½ gallon size anyway). They have some kind of plastic ring in the bottleneck, but trust me, it doesn’t slow down at all when you’re pouring. Go ahead and pour ‘em strong and drink up!

Random Thoughts

Last night I found out a few interesting things while having some beers downtown at the brewery.

• Not everyone goes out for drinks on their birthday. I had been invited to come have birthday drinks at the brewery for a friend. It rained out their softball game and that apparently cancels the party. I'd think that would allow extra time for drinks and celebration at the bar with friends, but no. I can only assume there was relaxing hair-braiding for hours last night while Sarah McLachlan played softly in the background.
  


• One of the authors has a puking problem. Maybe this is what he does in all his spare time while not writing for the blog. Hell, I can't think of a better topic to blog about on a drinking blog. The only place it would be a better fit is on a puking blog. Is there a "pukingknoxville" blog out there I don't know about? A note from Garth of Wayne's World: "If you're going to spew, spew in this"
  
• Lortabs and IPA go together really well. Really, really well. Usually a 4 or 5 "IPA dinner" is enough to sate me for the evening, and still is. But add some pharmaceuticals to the mix and you've gots yo-self a narcotic cocktail of splendid delight! It almost makes me wish I could go to the dentist more often to rack up on these treats. I don't think the agonizing 2 hours in the dentist chair is a fair trade-off though.
  
  

Confusion

Ghostbusters Deuce was on tonight...the Brewery had it on the TVs there. Go figure.

Proof that alcohol and rampant drug use permeate every facet of American entertainment...even during the second Reagan administration.

Gotterdammerung

Setting: Early Saturday morning...Mackey's couch. I'm alive, at least on some immoderate level. Allow me to show you as best I can what was going on inside my skull:

Get the idea? I swear Mad Max and The Lord Humongous were chasing each other in what once was a reasonably active mind. All motor control, gone. Attempts to rise...utterly fucked. Well, seems like it must be the sixth of September.

You see, I rarely lose memories or blackout. Believe me, that's not always a good thing. I've seen shit that'll turn you white with febrile confusion. As for most of my birthday, as Mackey has recounted, I put on a drinking clinic before succumbing to unconsciousness. The truly great part of a real nasty birthday tear is the hostility your friends really have for you. Oh sure, it's great fun...till you see furtive giggles as one "friend" slinks off to a far bartender. Said sumbitch or third-rate tart won't comeback with a stout bourbon. No, those hours are passed by and by (along with respectability). Instead, Patron rears its nasty sombrero. Jager hunts. The bow legged woman demands an audience. Any number of drinks that end with -zee's and -drops follow at a pretanatural pace. The Valkyries were definitely choosers of the slain that night.

Feh. I'm glad this sort of power-drinking only comes round once a year. Always nice to have it around Labor Day and the start of football season...makes the transition into Drinksgiving that much easier. Still, the hangover was impressive and defied description. It was a definite badge of honor.

Many thanks to all those for their well wishes and I salute the drinking buddies from Friday night. I won't forget it, you bastards. Heaven help the next one of you with a reason to celebrate.

Monday Hangover

Whew, what a good weekend of boozing! Had a good time Friday night celebrating the birthday of our very own Lord von Lord. We met up with Tag Berauscht and his Freundin, plus another couple of friends and front loaded at my place before heading up to have some drinks at the Sunsphere Skybox. The elevator situation still needs to be addressed, but the service was better this time around and we all enjoyed our cocktails while looking over downtown and Ft. Sanders from above.

After parting ways with that group, LVL and I went to meet King Randall The Insufferable and his “queen” to have more drinks. Lord was already hammered because he had the day off work and had been drinking heavily for god knows how long, so the facial color changes of pale white, to light green, to red, to white again are of no surprise – we’ve all been there. But none of us were expecting the surprise visit of “Catfish”who joined us at the bar for many drinks. So that was nice – me, KRTI, and Catfish getting Lord all tore up (ourselves included) until I don’t remember anything.

Saturday 2 PM - that is when I got out of bed. I felt great! College football and the US Open were on TV so I plopped down on my couch and didn’t move for several hours.

I’d planned on going out for beers and a good lunch to put some final thoughts on a bar review for the blog, but that idea was squashed Friday when I was told the Crown & Goose had failed their health inspection.

One point away: Crown & Goose at 123 S. Central Street - Grade: 69
Food temperatures were a problem here. An inspector found soup at 129 degrees,
but 140 is the proper temperature for hot food. The inspector says a hand sink was blocked so kitchen workers couldn't wash their hands properly.

Now this isn’t entirely a deal-breaker for me. Some of my favorite places are rat-holes, and they didn’t even fail that bad – just one point. I mean it isn’t like “Easy” was smoking a cigarette in the server station while the general manager was raking his finger through the mashed potatoes and eating them right in front of the inspector or anything. Geesh! I’m going to reconsider this news and make a final decision about the review at a later date.

I did manage to go out for a quick bite of sushi at Nama downtown. Had a couple of beers, witnessed a group of students downing some sake-bombs, considered staying out and making a fool of myself but decided against that and went in for the night. There will be plenty more occasions to make a fool of myself with football season upon us.

Sunday was most excellent – I got some errands out of the way early so I could start drinking right at kickoff of the NFL games. After the early games I went to Tag’s where we feasted on leg of lamb for dinner with all the snacks and beer you’d normally expect.

Not to mention my team, The Bird, won its opening game and stand 1st in their division. Plus there was even more tennis – Andy Murray thwarted my prediction and defeated Rafa Nadal to make it to the final of the Open. Which, by the way I’ll be watching at 5 PM today. On top of that there are 2 more NFL games on TV tonight. So I have plenty of recreational drinking to tend to this evening, starting as soon as I get off work. Any friends of/and the authors are welcome to come by tonight if you're up for it. I really hope I don’t overdo it though – I have another friend’s birthday to celebrate tomorrow night!!