Gawful

A little while ago, I was reading a sports message board I frequent in preparation for the UT shit-the-bed party this weekend.

One of the side threads I read with great amusement was a question about so-called "man laws" regarding BYOB protocols. Some of you may remember the dreadful Miller Lite commercials a few years ago with Mike Ditka, Burt Reynolds, and other paid shills that most likely wouldn't drink a Miller product if it was the last alcohol on Earth. The disparity of entertainment value from beer commercials these days is quite sad when compared to the glory days of alcohol advertisement in the early 80s. Ed "Too-Tall" Jones and Dick Butkus shit on the booze spots of the 21st century...and I dare you Captain Morgan pose making faggots to tell them otherwise.

Anyway, the specific question was whether or not it is okay to leave a party with any unconsumed beer you brought with you, or if said beer becomes property of the host. Technically the question is valid...and according to the clearinghouse that is Modern Drunkard Magazine, beer brought to a party transfers ownership at the end of the festivities. In short, buy more beer you cheap rube.

Here's my take however: This question is only partially valid. The proponents and chest thumpers that think it is cool to codify what a "man law" is fail to see the forest for the trees. A real man won't have to ask this question because a real man will DRINK EVERY DAMN THING HE BROUGHT WITH HIM. Moreover, if the party is really righteous he will also raid the fridge for booze that isn't his. The professional mercenary drunkard will also comb through cabinets in both kitchen and bathroom, utility and linen closets, laundry hampers and the garage for hidden booze. Trust me, find a bottle of premium vodka one time in a dresser drawer and you will sort through panties and boxer shorts for the next ten years hoping lightning will strike twice.

In short, make all the cute laws you want...I'll be too busy chugging your Newcastle Brown Ales to care.