Bizarre

Last night, the authors attended the UT-LSU hoops game. The Vols lost, and that sucks, but it was a damn good evening otherwise. Yours truly spoke with former player and coach Johnny Majors, always a proud moment for a local and UT grad. It is nice that he is back in town and on campus.

Now the truly bizarre(and kickass) moment came when Mackey and I noticed that a gorgeous woman was on the big screen. Turns out his model was none other that Marisa Miller, mentioned here just last week as she continues to scorch the Millernet on blogs and websites.

The authors are currently planning to forecast riches and wealth beyond Croesus and see how that works out. Hopefully we will be pimping large this time next week. If not, we'll still be figuring out ways to get our filthy lucre.

Drink this sumbitchin' beer!

Can't get enough of this stuff lately:

Enlightened, smenlightened. It'll get me drunk and won't blind me like pine cone likker. That's enough for me.

Give Me Miller & Meat!

So it’s Miller Time, 100% of the time on Al Gore’s internet, but does she look good in bacon? I bet she would look better than this meat-clad chick if they only had her size. Apparently this fashion trend hasn’t caught up with Knoxville just yet, maybe by 2012. For more food-as-clothing check out the folks at InGameNow, who have delicious babes wearing meat-bikinis just in time for your Super Bowl preparations.

Okay, fine! We get it!

Jesus, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting pictures of swimsuit and lingerie(pronounced lawn-jerry) model Marisa Miller these days. The internet might as well be changed to the Millernet.

This blog is written for the amusement of the authors and about six other people. Usually I don't care about other opinions or the pulse of the blogosphere, but apparently said blog cannot have street cred without this modern day Helen somewhere. Since we have expanded our coverage to activities that people can drink to(football at present) let's just get the cheesecake out of the way:

There, are you happy now Mr. Gore?

Hell Fucking Yeah

I'll say it again:

HELL. FUCKING. YEAH.

We Gon Drank

All hell yeah, we down wid it. We gon shine.

NFL Conference Championship games are on tap for today, and we all gon drank. On this next to last Sunday of relevant professional football, what the hell else do you think we’re going to do? I think this is the best playoff round in football, even better than the Super Bowl. Why? You’re down to 4 teams fighting to make it to the finale. It’s all or nothing. Two games will produce 2 winners and 2 losers – double the emotion! Plus you don’t have all the build-up and fluff media coverage like the Super Bowl, just some awesome football.

First up at 3 o’clock is the NFC game featuring the AZ Cardinals hosting the PHI Eagles. Don’t ask me why they schedule a west coast team to play the first game. I guess they expect the AFC game to get better ratings in prime time at 6:30 when Pittsburgh hosts Baltimore. Whatever, anyone who has read DK recently knows that my rooting interest will be for The Bird (aka Cardinals) to kick the shit out of Filthadelphia. I suppose I will pull for the Steelers in the 2nd game.

No game predictions today, I’m going to concentrate on drinking and getting things ready for a house full of drunks. Enjoy the football while it lasts, and during the fortnight between now and the Super Bowl might I suggest taking in the Australian Open on ESPN2. Tennis anyone? No? Okay.

You Know What Ol' Jack Burton Always Says . . .

I have been inspired by recent "Great Drunks of the Silver Screen" posts to draw attention to one of the greatest drinking scenes in all of cinematic history.  While not a drinking movie in the sense of The Big Lebowski or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, this one moment from B.T.I.L.C. , ranks among some of the best movie toasts ever to grace the screen.  

For those of you familiar with it, I hope you revisit it with the same joy I have.  If you have never seen it, pick it up on your next trip to the liquor store.

I hope Lane Kiffin has a six demon bag.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCPGmEOOOWA

Great Drunks of the Silver Screen 7.0

Ladies and gents, I give you this fading gem:

Bad ass. There are many pictures and images for this iconic late 70's early 80's genre, but few also encompass the soundtrack consisting of Rabbitt, Rich, and Tillis. Are you shitting me?

For every trained orangutan there had to be a hundred angry brawling shit-tossers. Yet Clyde drinks with his human friend Philo Beddoe. A lot. In fact we noticed during this movie they were drinking on the road(acceptable during this period) brawling in meat processing plants, staying in shitty hotels, etc. All the while plowed on the relevant beers of the day...during one scene Philo and Clyde hit about a dozen bars and dives, each painstakingly shot in vivid drunken style.

Olympia for Chrissakes. Cachet.

During one scene following the pub crawl, Philo and primate return to the shady hotel and wake up their companions in the middle of the night...rationally explaining how Clyde needs some sex and needs his stroke immediately. Of course, a willing female of genus Pongo is recruited. Seriously, Clyde gets laid instantly. Baffling, but rational somehow at 3:00 in the morning.

This film's primary antagonists also fit the bill. The nefarious and utterly inept Black Widows end up losing, and badly at that, every contest they face in pursuit of Philo.

Relentless in chase, fools in execution...the Black Widows are thwarted by the elderly, some armed with shotguns, but on SSI in any case. Despite this Cholla maintains a lax attitude toward the gang's boozing...encouraging the use of sidecars as coolers, filled with delicious Coors.

The film is filled with drunken brawling, errant tractor trailers, a dwindling supply of choppers, and a wan Sandra Locke milking her time with Clint. Let's not kid ourselves, this film is about boozing and the kickass relationship between trained primate and slightly better trained primate. Who among us can forget "Right turn, Clyde?"

Or simple wonder of an animal telling us all to FO.

Drink on, fiend. You're still more civilized than half the bastards I know.

Algonquin Round Table Mk III

Greetings all,

In another attempt at serious discussions on the important drinking issues facing today's imbibers, yours truly has convened a crack association of panelists. And when I emphasize serious, important, and crack you know I mean it. So today's Round Table consists of from my left:

Noted slacker and Slavophobe Russ Ziskey:

Russell Ziskey: Glad to be here LVL. Things are certainly looking up for me. After all, this is America. You can go from teaching immigrants such fantastic Anglo phrases as "Son of bitch" and "Shit" to raping across Eastern Europe in a Winnebago.

LVL: Rapine you say? Curious, don't you mean pillage?

RZ: No.

LVL: Next panelist is temporally displaced warrior Kyle Reese:

LVL: Welcome Kyle, how is working for Tech-Com these...er...ah future days?

Kyle Reese: What the fuck do you think? Being chased by asshole robotic minions and only rotgut shine to drink in a radioactive future?

LVL: But there is booze you say?

KR: Well yes, but that's not the point...

LVL: Hey, it's not my fault Skynet wiped out all the IPA in a nuclear first strike. Next up, a nasty from the pasty, renowned writer and sedate bisexual Oscar Wilde:

Oscar Wilde: Why hello genteelmen. Can I offer you some of the Green Fairy while we converse? Perhaps some cocaine as well?

RZ: Are you coming on to me sir? Because I'm not homosexual, but I am willing to learn.

LVL: Careful Russ. That will get you discharged, right Kyle?

KR: Not in the future. We need all able men and women to fight off these sober fuckers.

OW: Oh my. Are these stolid android androgynes some sort of neo-prohibitionists? How patently absurd.

KR: Well, they are prohibitionists in the strict sense that they want all of us dead, yes.

OW: When I matriculated, we called such boors Tories!

LVL: I bet you did, Frenchy.

OW: I am Irish sir.

LVL: We all know God hates the Irish, I don't blame you for leaving. Finally, last panelist today filling in at the last minute, let's give a literally giant applause for cosmic scourge and demipower:

Galactus!

LVL: Greetings big man, how's the air up there? Can you tell us just how many pints or shots you can knock back...you know, what with your immense size and tolerance? Wouldn't that make for some expensive nights out in the Sagittarian arm of the galaxy?

Galactus: BEHOLD INSECT!





LVL: Well that might do it for this installment of the Round Table. My fucking ears are bleeding and I'm thirsty.

KR: Holy fuck! It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until its dead!

RZ: I was just supposed to guard the truck! Well I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it!

OW: So...Mr. Galactus, doing anything tonight?

LVL: This isn't going well.

For Tara, Judge of Droats

Looking ahead at the weather forecast this week, it is going to be downright nasty. By Thursday the temperatures are supposed to be hovering around freezing or below for a couple of days straight, and we all know that the ladies will be sporting their favorite droats for the occasion, hopefully the fancy ones they got for Christmas. Naturally, we at DK will be wearing our juice jackets. Several weeks ago when Jack Frost first reared his ugly head I mentioned how much I love the fashionable ladies and their garments, and even included a collection of pictures to emphasize my point. Well, apparently my eye for fashion isn’t quite what I thought it was, as reader Tara described them as “really ugly”.

This honest critique was not lost on me, and since then I have taken it upon myself to find only the best, most fashionable Droats on the whole goddamned planet. I have, and will continue to search tirelessly in order to provide the finest images of droats scavenged from websites all over the internet - that, or until I feel the need to search for the most filthy porn on the internet. As long as the winter months require dressy coats, I shall provide images of these functional yet fashionable clothes to be judged by you. So Tara, without further delay I present not one but two droats for your judgment:

And should these not meet her standards, or if the broad just doesn’t respond, I vow to continue posting these ludicrous images just because I have found so damn many of them and have to do something with them. I await the verdict.

Divisional Playoff Drinking II

Wow! I have to admit that after last night’s victory celebration for the unexpected win by The Bird I don’t really give a shit about today’s games. Of course I will watch both from start to finish, but it will be hard to match the excitement of what transpired last night. The result of Arizona defeating Carolina has me in the uncomfortable position of having to root for the dreaded Eagles, which would mean a home playoff game for The Bird with a trip to the Super Bowl on the line. Let’s briefly look at the games slated for today:

Philadelphia vs. New York – The Eagles have been on fire of late, winning game after game just to make it to the playoffs after their season appeared OVER following a tie vs. the Bengals late in the season. New York is the number one seed and defending Super Bowl champs, but the teams split their divisional games with both teams winning on the road. I honestly don’t know what to expect for this game, but as I mentioned earlier, an Eagles win means they travel to the desert next week to face Jesus, so I’m pulling for the Brotherly Bird to win this one.

What to drink – Oooooh, drinks already? Shit, gotta drink your way through it. Have some beers while you get back on track for the day.

San Diego vs. Pittsburgh – The second game of the afternoon should be a great one. The Chargers sneaked into the playoffs riding a 4 game winning streak and a collapse by the Broncos. Then they knocked off a hot Colts team last week at home and look to continue their late season surge on the road. Their earlier matchup ended in the only 11-10 final score in NFL history. Look for a few more points this time, but the outcome will be the same with a Steelers victory at home.

What to drink – Feeling better by now, but there’s no need to go crazy. Stick with beer and polish off those half-drank bottles of wine before they go bad. Steelers fans can have all the Flamethrowers they can handle though.

Predictions:

New York d. Philadelphia 31-24

Pittsburgh d. San Diego 20-17

Divisional Playoff Drinking

Stellar match-ups are on the schedule for the NFL playoffs this weekend! All 4 games feature rematches from earlier in the season, and I’m hoping at least The Bird can reverse the outcome of their first tilt with the Panthers – I could give a piss about the rest of the teams. That’s not to say I won’t be watching every snap of each game, I mean it is the playoffs, and the NFL season only has two more weekends of live games including the conference championships next week and the Super Bowl in February. Let’s look at the lineup for Saturday:

Tennessee Titans vs. Baltimore Ravens – The first game of the weekend pits two bitter rivals against one another in what will be a battle of two of the best defenses in the league. If you’ve read here long enough you should know by now that none of the contributors care for the home state team. Strange, I know, especially given the drinking talent of drunken Titans QB Kerry Collins. Go figure. The Ravens have always been built around a strong D that can put up enough points to win a game on its own, and if their improved offense can add to the scoreboard they have a chance to go all the way to Tampa for the big game. It is going to be an awesome, physical game to watch.

What to drink – start with beer and plenty of snacks. You don’t want to get too wasted before the second game. Maybe do a shot in the second half to maintain your buzz.

Carolina Panthers vs. Arizona Cardinals – The late game is being billed as the worst game of the weekend, with The Bird as double digit underdogs coming off an impressive win last weekend over Atlanta. I have to admit that they do face an uphill battle – they have lost all 5 games played on the east coast this year, sometimes in lopsided blowouts. The Panthers are undefeated at home and have a great 1-2 combo at the running back position with 28 rushing touchdowns. They also have Steve Smith, who is one of the best receives in the league that always torments the Cardinals when they play. But AZ has 2 pro bowl WRs and a third 1,000 yard receiver to lineup with gunslinger Jesus-freak Kurt Warner, so they have the tools to make a game of it if they show up and perform. Just like last week, they will need to start strong and keep it close early or it could be over well before half time.

What to drink – stay with beer to start, but keep the bourbon close by. After drinking all afternoon you may find yourself a bit bloated on beer and too much food. Kick your liver into gear with a belt straight from the bottle and continue as necessary.

Predictions

Tennessee defeats Baltimore 23-21

Arizona upsets Carolina 27-26!

Death take me quickly

Mother of God. Fox Sports, what hath thou wrought? It's bad enough that the shithole lizards won the national title, but must you seek out this stereotype for the public? Look, we all enjoy the now famous pictures of Husker and Buckeye children tearing up, but this is just in poor taste.

A pox upon thy house.

Beer After Workout

Ever on the cusp of 2 years ago, I have discovered a new way to enjoy beer, sort of. Recently I watched a TV program that said consuming a moderate amount of beer after a workout may be better at rehydration than drinking water - excellent news except for the moderate part. I did a little online research and found that a 2007 study conducted in Spain revealed the good news. In short, researchers claim that carbonation in beer is the secret that speeds the absorption of water by the body, plus beer contains sugars, salts and vitamins not found in water. The bad news is the moderate amount they recommend, roughly a measly pint of delicious beer. Nevertheless I have followed this advice religiously since seeing on TV. I don’t know that it has made one bit of difference with hydration, but I have noticed that it tastes better than water after a good workout (of course) and I enjoy it more than any other time I drink a beer (A beer, not 8 beers)

Will this new habit make any kind of difference? Probably not, most likely because I don’t think I can work out enough to counter the 6-pack a day average. That plus the beers I consume fall somewhere in the 200-300 calories per serving range. That’s why I reluctantly started going to the gym just a couple of years ago, and so far have been able to maintain my single goal of remaining under 200 lbs. Where am I going with this and what’s the point? Fuck, I don’t know. I’ll conclude by saying that when working out in the morning or lunchtime it is a special treat to have that 1 beer early in the day and get a head start on what’s to come later. Cheers to science!

NFL Playoffs - The Bird vs. The Dirty Bird

Get out the brown ale and brown liquor!

The NFL playoffs begin today with The Bird playing in the very first game at 4:30 vs. The Dirty Bird of Atlanta. This should be a great, close game if both teams decide to show up and play up to their potential. AZ has stumbled down the stretch and represent the lowly NFC Worst division where they did not lose a game, finishing the season at 9-7. ATL is rolling in with a 11-5 record and looking strong with rookie QB Matt Ryan. Hopefully the Cardinals can get off to a great start and keep the momentum at home throughout the game. If the Falcons get an early lead it could be trouble for AZ, having suffered several blowout losses after falling behind early and never recovering. I expect both offenses will be able to move the ball well, so the outcome of the game should depend on which defense doesn't give up the most big plays.

Prediction: AZ d. ATL 31-28.