Lakeblogging

Ah yes, the first shakedown cruise of the spring. Belated this year to be certain, but no less anxious and rewarding. Anxiety in the sense that you wonder if the boat will self-imolate, sink, blow an engine, or simply not start when you get entirely too far away from shore. Rewarding when you make it back to K-town arrest free and indeed, the boat did not sink.

So yeah, we booze it on the lake...and yeah sometimes we aren't entirely safe out there. Now before any of the uptight league get their panties in a wad, it's not like we are speeding around at midnight pounding bourbon. Those days are over. For one thing, night boating should be leisurely and clandestine, and we are always waaaayyyy out of bourbon by those late hours.

The first cruise of spring is usually a small affair, held on a weeknight usually. A fine repast was prepared of kabobs and various side items. The specifics aren't really important when we take to the lake, mostly because of the haze and full-on blackouts that usually preclude memory.

Expect some posts on where to find cheap booze on the water, where to find parties, and other general information for the nautical drinker. Drinking games on the boat, blender drinks, tomfoolery, the occasional pistol or rifle report, bad attire, and tales of intrigue will abound.

Examine a shooter 1.0

Kentucky Bow-Legged Woman(amounts approximate)

Jim Beam(1-1.5 ozs)

Amaretto

Pineapple Juice

Lime Juice

Triple Sec(the black sheep bastard everyone forgets)

Combine, shake, and strain out. Will fuck you up big time, so make certain you have a free morning to shake off the guilt and baleful glances of friends and co-workers.

Favored by booze-mongers in K-town, this preferred libation of the group is feared and respected by the new generation as never before. Once a staple drink of the authors, now used strictly as a strategic nutshot during the Liquor War of 07-08.

In Vino Veritas

It's been mentioned by Mackey that we went to a new(well new-ish) pub over the weekend. I've posted before that we write this blog for our own entertainment, primarily, and that holds true for one other aspect of Drinking Knoxville. It's a resource.

You the reader(who may now be counted in double digits, mayhap an even dozen) will get the straight dope on bars and pubs we frequent, or even the places we go intermittantly like some sort of wine-swilling diplomat. While you get this valued information and decide where to spend your filthy shekels, we are challenged to strike out from the comfortable barstools and tables where scores of servers and tenders of the bar refer to us as regulars. (Most of the time with hate in their beady, hopeless eyes.)

Together we will assault the bars and joints in this Brigadoon of a town...sparing you only the noxious reviews of franchised eateries and soul-murdering chain bars. They can eat a bowl of dick.

One more thing, if you are ever asked by a beautiful woman if she can sample your wine...don't be surprised when the hooker bitches at you when she spills it. It's an odd but universally held conception that no good deed goes unpunished.

The Best Unknown Party In Town

Now before all you party host get puffed up about your great 4th of July bash or what ever, this is the best public party in town that you probably have never been to. There is one huge reason I regard this party so highly, but I will save that for last. First reason to attend is the host; The Shrimp Dock on Kingston pike. If you haven't been there you’re missing out on the freshest seafood you can take home, plus at lunch an awesome po'boy, and good frozen soups, with many more things for a great meal at home. They throw this party as customer appreciation, but I feel more like thanking them for doing it every year. Second is the food; an all out shrimp and crawfish boil, and a shuck it your damn self oyster bar. There are many other good features to this party, but let’s get to the big one. BYOB, I am not sure if everyone will see how spectacular this is, but think about bring the beer you choose at the price you usually pay. No $5 a pop for some crap beer that you shouldn't pay a $1 for. Big beer companies want you to buy their beer at home for too much, then at an event charge you six times as much for the same swill, all while standing around looking at their ads that are plastered on everything. What do we get out of that? About 3 beers short of a good buzz, and an empty wallet. That's the reason front loading has become so important. So next year on the Sat. before Cinco de Mayo get your favorite brew and come watch the drunk white people dance to bad 80's covers, while eating some great free food.

Derby Aftermath.

With my annual assault on my liver over, here's what Derby weekend consisted of for me.

Thursday-The Queen, Disco Dan, and I got on the road around 4. Traffic was surprisingly bearable and we made good time. We caught up with T-ROC and Lady Beth in L'town, then proceeded to Buca De Beppo, one of our annual Derby stops. We then retired to our hotel for a night of bourbon guzzling and Jager shots.

Friday-I awoke wired with the kind of energy that comes from too much Four Roses and Jager. After rousting the group, I proceeded to consume the first beer of the day. One of my better ideas. We parked at BJ's on Rodman Street, one of my favorite places on the planet. The world's best eggrolls and fried bologna sandwiches are produced there. We headed to the track after a few drinks and some food. It rained violently most of the day. At one point, I considered hearding animals two by two and building an arc. The rain did subside enough to allow us to take in the Oaks from the grandstand. Drinking and hilarity ensued after the races. The Oaks now has it's own signature drink, the Lily. Finlandia, Cranberry Juice, and Triple Sec. A little bit sweet, but not awful.

Saturday-Derby Day. I was nowhere near as energetic as the day before. We made our way to BJ's and a wonderful pork chop sandwich helped revive me. On to the races, where we downed copious numbers of mint juleps and had a huge time. Fortunately, we were spared the sight of Eight Belles going down, because the track feed stayed focused on Big Brown. Back to BJ's for soul food, dancing, and drinking. All in all, a glorious day.

Sunday-A quick brunch and on the road. Again, traffic was no problem. Returned to Knoxville, made some phone calls, and headed to the Downtown Grill and Brewery for drinks, conversation, and video game bowling. A fine way to cap a quality weekend.

Monday Hangover

First Friday - Like every other Friday of the week I am ready to get stinko starting at 5:01 or sooner if I'm lucky. As luck had it I was able to leave work a few hours early and get a head start on the weekend. For those who don't know about it, First Friday is basically a group of downtown businesses offering special events, artists, or discounts to attract people to their shops. Bars usually offer extended happy hour drink specials, which is nice. So I arrive downtown early to get my drink on and land a perfect patio spot. The weather is cool, friends stop and visit as they come and go by, drinks are flowing, life is good. (fades)

Saturday - What the hell? Another one of those nights. It was rainy so I just stayed in until late afternoon when I finally had enough energy to go exercise. By then the weather was nice and I met up with some folks at a new restaurant in the Old City. The best aspect of our visit was the background music provided by our various handheld media devices vs. their piped-in Muzak. Needless to say we drank a lot, went elsewhere and drank a lot more. King Randall The Insufferable wasn't in town to supply endless shots to everyone so I actually made it home in decent shape. Barely.

Sunday - This was a good day. Not having a smashing headache and with plenty of rest I was able to do some errands, clean up the place, have some food, then move on to drinking. But first wouldn't you know there are some favors I've agreed to: moving furniture and pool repair. What the fuck was I thinking, and both on the same day! So I make it to Lord Von Lord's to move his over sized sectional to the garage. (Didn't we used to burn these) After a couple beers we proceed to some German bastards to help repair the pool. The good news is he has a tap system and a full keg of beer. The bad news is we still have to work on the pool, and it kicked our sorry asses. The consolation is that we still get to drink beer the rest of the day and grill out.

So that's a very tame weekend wrap. Not very eventful, but hell I'll take that once in a while compared with all the other shit that usually happens. No lost cell phones, no accidents, no fights, no arrests - it was a good weekend. Looking ahead we should have a recap of the KY Derby from KRTI, a product review and who knows, maybe a couple of introductions.

Rossini Festival

Rossini Fest was held last weekend and as usual it was a blast. Since I accidentally discovered it a few years ago it has become an annual excuse to get plastered and stumble around the streets of downtown Knoxville. Opera, music, artists, yeah, yeah, yeah - point me to the beer and wine vendors! Now we're talking. That other stuff is all well and good but does anybody think it would be so successful without alcohol? Exactly.

A brief recap of the day:

Begin by front loading with Lord von Lord at my place. Walk downtown and notice bums taking bath in fountain at World's Fair Park. Stop at food vendor for delicious Italian sausage with marinara sauce. Meet King Randall the Insufferable downtown for drinks. It's KRTI's birthday - shots for everybody!

We're off to a good start. Continue drinking before heading to the streets for more drinks. Already feeling good and the trash talk is flowing. Have some wine and see someone I know in a compromising situation. Snap picture for evidence: 2 college guys having a caricature done - appalling! After we're done horse-laughing we continue to roam the street and decide to go to KRTI's for some reason, probably more drinks. First cigars for KRTI and LVL. Then on to the penthouse. Oh hell no, SCOTCH!!

Things just got worse from there. KRTI kicks us back out to the streets, apparently he had enough for the day - by 6:00. Have second Italian sausage of day. It is getting cooler and I head home for wardrobe change and return downtown for 2nd act. By this point we're crocked and meet up with the rest of the group to continue drinking.

Things get fuzzy at this point, but we did manage a full 12 hour drinking day and had tons of laughs throughout it all. Looking forward to doing it again next year.