By the pricking of my thumbs...

The balloon is going up. The war against wallet and liver begins in approximately 24 hours.

Bastardy

What the shit happened to the weather around this place? Prior to the 10,000 calorie Superbowl death party, the sun was shining and the dirt-people were out throwing frisbees or whatever the deuce people toss around when they can't throw a football. Now some 96 hours hence, it's colder than balls on Mr. Brass Monkey.

Yours truly is officially over winter. We've drank our way through the cold...mild by most of the nation's standards, but enough to remind the locals that spring is around the corner.

We're water rats. As you can tell from posts made during last year, we prefer to be in a pool or on the lake. A few years ago, Frank McWoo and I went with a mutual friend to the annual boat show. We got torched on some beers and bourbon before heading inside(standard policy) and mingled among the vendors, customers, and onlookers like ourselves. We crawled all over every runabout, cabin cruiser, and pontoon boat we could find and noticed one common item:

Behold the thousand dollar cooler. Or at least that's what the itemized cost on the sticker told us. Nearly every boat had one of these Igloo marine bastards...and before you scoff, recognize that these things are monstrous...the larger ones being in the 250 quart capacity. That's a lot of beer, bourbon, rum, and I guess some crackers or sandwiches. Coolers this size are often a mixed blessing in the sense that while the boat's important beer-per-hour numbers are improved significantly, these monoliths require elbow grease and additional horsepower so that overall performance is not diminished. Hell, we have to adjust the smaller coolers we utilize to make sure the damn boat will stay planed. (we drink a lot out there)

A cursory search indicates that marine coolers are indeed in the hundreds of dollars price range, so we can all guess the pricing on the new boats were adjusted for haggling purposes...and indeed, to make a patron think twice about getting that bigger motor. Surely I can't justify spending a grand on this sumbitch, but I guarantee someone has.

Fuck, warm weather can't get here soon enough.

50 BILLION DOLLARS!!!!!

As most of you drunks have heard by now, Anheuser Busch has been purchased by a Belgian conglomerate for some $52 gazillion dollars. Many observers have commented about the "loss" of a great American institution, the greatest beer in the world, etc. I say good riddance - I've been over their products for years now. Most of what I've heard in the media is about loyalty: Will you still drink Bud even though it is no longer an American company? Do you feel alright spending your money on a Belgian product? And so on.

I see a dilemma for many locals. Call them rednecks, good ole boys, NASCAR fans, whatever - there are going to be a lot of folks scratching their heads wondering what the hell they are going to drink now to support the USA. I think the big labels in America are all owned by international companies: Coors, Miller and now A-B. So I guess we're all going to be looking forward to that revamped Schlitz recipe with greater interest.

My suggestion to anyone is to support your local brewery; it doesn't get any more American than that! Calhoun's has more locations around Knoxville than anybody else I can think of. Woodruff Brewing Co. (a.k.a. Downtown Grill & Brewery) operates right downtown on Gay St. Both of them sell by the keg and smaller sampler sizes. Or check out the beer aisle next time you're in the grocery or gas station and look for some options. There are usually plenty of regional and national brands to choose from, depending on your area. Of course the likelihood of any true Bud drinker taking this leap of faith is highly unlikely. It would be like telling them Dale Jr. is going to the F-1 series and asking them to root for that quarr, Jeff Gordon.

The only real consequence I can see coming from this acquisition that no one else has mentioned is something any REAL American should be worried about: SOCCER! Lots and lots of advertising money spent on soccer. Except they'll probably try to push it as "football". Douche bags. I bet Beckham was involved somehow. Fuck soccer. In the ass. FOOTBALL is American. Soccer is what the rest of the world does to kill 3 hours and all they get is a riveting score of 1-0, ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! You can't even have a score of 1-0 in football. Our teams score points while we drink and kill 8 - 12 hours at a time. That's right, we tailgate 4 hours, watch the game 4 hours, then celebrate/drown our sorrows another 4 hours. Take that Manchester U and Real Madrid. Real? Real boring if you ask me.

What am I trying to say? Hell, I have no idea, I'm rambling. In summary: Belgians buy Anheuser Busch = more soccer.