Sports Bars / NFL Sunday Ticket

Who has the best sports bar in Knoxville? Must include NFL Sunday Ticket to be eligible, I mean come on.

Ever since Latitude 35 closed downtown I have been looking for a place to watch out of market NFL games, sorry Titans. Wild Wings is supposed to open another location downtown soon but until then I need a convenient place to drink and watch the games.

Mellow Mushroom? Fieldhouse Social? Please add favorites via comments, thanks.

This is Not a Drinking Knoxville Post

This is a Kissing Suzy Kolber Post

via, you guys are awesome.

Football is Near

The first Pre-Season NFL game is this Sunday night at 8p.m.  It's the annual Hall of Fame game featuring the Arizona Cardinals at the New Orleans Saints.  Rooster’s will be having $14 Miller Lite buckets and as always the best wings and pizza in town (their words, not mine).

The game will be aired on the NFL Network so don't look for it on ESPN or the networks. I have yet to upgrade my cable sports package therefore I will be watching a bar. There seems to be quite a few Saints fans in Knoxville but I dare you to find a single Cardinals fan - I may be the only one in town. The Bird has a lone UT Volunteer on their roster, NT Dan Williams. The Saints double that with two, Turk McBride and Jabari Greer.

We all know the preseason is crap but it is a welcome reminder that the real thing isn't too far away. Who do I tell that I'm ready for some football now that Hank Jr. is gone?

Beer & Ham

The Super Bowl tied a bow on the 2011 NFL season with a great game and another slap in the faces of Patriot fans thanks to Eli Manning and the NY Geee-men (Bermanese). Like most of America, our group took the opportunity to over-consume alcohol and food. A keg of Banquet Beer and a Honey Baked ham go a long way – long enough to have me catching zzzzz by the end of the game. The commercials weren’t what I would consider “good”, Indy provided a backdrop of wholesome family goodness that prevented any players from getting into serious trouble, and Madonna’s old ass stepped around the stage like a life-alert infomercial was being filmed, leaving us to be entertained by the action on the field. Golly gosh, what’s it going to take to make this Super Bowl idea get some traction?

And the deviled eggs, good god how could I forget the deviled eggs:

 See you guys next month.

Football, Football, Football and Some Drinks

Here are some figures from the College Football Bowl Season Challenge I recently completed, plus some NFL games for good measure. I am not proud of this achievement.

First Bowl Game – December 18
Final Bowl Game – January 10
Total Bowl Games – 35

BONUS COLLEGE GAMES:

FCS Playoffs (formerly Division II) – 3 (2 SF, 1 Championship)

There was some overlap of games that I had to watch at home by switching channels back and forth, and on January 1 we went to a sports bar to take advantage of multiple screens. In addition to quality games with awesome players, trick plays and fantastic finishes, I also endured shitty games by shitty teams, blue and red football fields, and passed out at the end of blowout games several times. It wasn't a perfect feat, it was a drunken feat.

NFL GAMES:

Final 3 weekends of regular season (48 games total, no I didn’t watch them all) includes 1 Thursday game, 2 Monday night games, 1 Saturday/Christmas game and an odd Tuesday night game, the first one since 1946. Obviously it was impossible to watch all the NFL games simultaneously but the NFL Red Zone Channel has made it easier to keep up with what is going on.

NFL Playoffs – Wildcard weekend, 4 games

If my calculations are correct that is 90 games in 24 days. In other words: a fucking insane amount of football in a short time period. The NFL schedule inflates the total number, but I was able to take in about 50 of these games, an average of 2 per day, not too shabby.

THE BOOZE (estimated, shared amongst fiends):

Beer, Woodruff IPA – 1 keg
Vodka, bargain brands – 2 half gallons
Bourbon, Maker’s Mark, Johnny Drum & TJD – 3 fifths
Gin, Brokers – 1 fifth
Wine, various grapes – probably around ½ a case
Plus various bar tabs throughout downtown and the Cumberland strip

I will not attempt this next year, or ever again for that matter.

Comparison

There is much to appreciate about the 'good old days'

Note with the genteel black and white advertisement and overall folksy kitsch one could almost think that the 60's were a fine time to be alive. Let's all drink some Schlitz and the one, solitary beer that Anheuser Busch produces-Budweiser.

However,

With the modern marvels of a greedy NFL and HDTV we actually see what we young turks were missing:

Oof. This? Look I realize that TV coverage in those days was still in black and white...but my God, did the teams of yesteryear just assume that the actual spectators were blind as well? A pox on the Broncos. Give me standard definition and a small screen, please.

This is the reason...

that I can't stand the Tennessee Titans Houston Oilers. Just look at that ugly shit - worn by the head coach and entire coaching staff no less. Simply awful. Where is Bum Phillips and Dan Pastorini? Earl Campbell? It wouldn't matter, I hated the Oilers then almost as much as I do now. I need a drink to calm my nerve.

Monday Hangover

Pretty good weekend from what I can remember. Let’s see, a relatively easy-going Friday night, had some drinks at the brewery and Soccer Taco late to end the night. Saturday was the Vols game vs. UCLA and we all know how that went. We started the day strong front loading and having food at The Hill before everyone met up at my Urban Bunker for lots more beer (R.I.P. beautiful IPA keg) and booze, Patron to be precise. I should know better than to shoot too much of that prior to kickoff – shit makes me all woozy and sleepy and that just doesn’t cut it on game day. With the disappointment of a close loss we had a letdown of enthusiasm but managed to drink our way through it anyway.

NFL football on Sunday made things better. Even though I didn’t have a keg full of beer there was plenty of vodka to nurse me through the 10+ hours of football viewing. Awesome. And there are 2 Monday Night Football games tonight, so that’s nice. I’m not even too disappointed that my team, The Bird lost its opener to the lowly SF 49ers because nobody suffered a worse loss than the Bengals weird finish. Those poor bastards just have the worst luck in the entire league, so better luck next time. Ok, I’ve got some Kraut-beer sitting cold in my fridge, so call me Doug ‘cause I’m outta here.

(Soccer Taco, big ass beer)

I'm ready for some football...

...so don't even ask, Bocephus.

That's right, it's football time in Tennessee! America. We had our glorious college football season opener last weekend and now it's time for the big boys. For the rest of the year and early 2010 we can count on televised football each and every weekend. "Fuck. Yes." I'll be stationed upon my meast-like couch, drinking beer and talking shit all the way. Later suckas...

To sum up

Oh we drank Pac-Man

Weekend camping is painful

Oilers run fake punt

A Good Run

Beer beer beer. Ham ham ham ham ham hamham ham. Beer beer beer. Hambeerham, ham ham, beer beer beer ham beer ham beer beer.


That pretty much sums up my Super Bowl experience yesterday. It was such a good game, even with The Bird unable to complete the miracle run for the title. I guess all good things DO come to an end, be it your favorite team’s season or just the football season as a whole. Our drunken group does know how to make the most of the occasion though, and we made damn sure we had enough booze and food for about 100 people. I consumed at least 10,000 calories throughout the day, thanks to the excess of food and beer on hand. A serious “thanks” to all of you who brought the awesome food – that was one of the best Super Bowl feasts I’ve ever been a part of. The wine and party liquor also helped tremendously.

Talk about a loud bunch of arse-holes, I am totally surprised my neighbors didn’t complain about the noise. I wanted to complain about the noise! I guess that’s what happens when you have 5 former Prick of the Year winners in the same room all shouting over each other and the TV trying to see who can be more prickish. So I must apologize for the missed phone calls from out-of-town/state friends, who I’m certain were calling to wish my team well in the big game. I’ll catch up with you guys soon during the void-of-worthwhile-sports time period between now and next football season.

A final note to those readers who know us: your 2008 Prick of the Year is King Randall the Insufferable. This should not be surprising to any of you. Congratulations prick!

Super Drinking

Thank the football gods the Super Bowl is here! I’ve been far too sober over the past two weeks without football. Not that I haven’t had my share of cold ones lately, but not much is better this time of year than having some friends over for playoff football and chugging lots of beer. And at this Super Bowl I actually have a rooting interest in one of the teams for the first time in years - The Buzzsaw that is the Arizona Cardinals will have my support. But I’m most excited about the excessive drinking. An abundance of beer, booze and wine will flow like….wine. In fact, excuse me.

/pours beer

That’s better. The only plan for today is drinking, eating and watching football. A quick look at the food menu: ham n’ rolls, potato skins, hummus, wings, sausage & shrimp etouffee, and a couple of special super dips with chips. Excess is best. Hopefully I’ll be reporting a victory celebration sometime tomorrow if things go my way. Otherwise I may be consumed by a false sense of responsibility and do some actual work. /refills beer

Hell Fucking Yeah

I'll say it again:

HELL. FUCKING. YEAH.

We Gon Drank

All hell yeah, we down wid it. We gon shine.

NFL Conference Championship games are on tap for today, and we all gon drank. On this next to last Sunday of relevant professional football, what the hell else do you think we’re going to do? I think this is the best playoff round in football, even better than the Super Bowl. Why? You’re down to 4 teams fighting to make it to the finale. It’s all or nothing. Two games will produce 2 winners and 2 losers – double the emotion! Plus you don’t have all the build-up and fluff media coverage like the Super Bowl, just some awesome football.

First up at 3 o’clock is the NFC game featuring the AZ Cardinals hosting the PHI Eagles. Don’t ask me why they schedule a west coast team to play the first game. I guess they expect the AFC game to get better ratings in prime time at 6:30 when Pittsburgh hosts Baltimore. Whatever, anyone who has read DK recently knows that my rooting interest will be for The Bird (aka Cardinals) to kick the shit out of Filthadelphia. I suppose I will pull for the Steelers in the 2nd game.

No game predictions today, I’m going to concentrate on drinking and getting things ready for a house full of drunks. Enjoy the football while it lasts, and during the fortnight between now and the Super Bowl might I suggest taking in the Australian Open on ESPN2. Tennis anyone? No? Okay.

Divisional Playoff Drinking II

Wow! I have to admit that after last night’s victory celebration for the unexpected win by The Bird I don’t really give a shit about today’s games. Of course I will watch both from start to finish, but it will be hard to match the excitement of what transpired last night. The result of Arizona defeating Carolina has me in the uncomfortable position of having to root for the dreaded Eagles, which would mean a home playoff game for The Bird with a trip to the Super Bowl on the line. Let’s briefly look at the games slated for today:

Philadelphia vs. New York – The Eagles have been on fire of late, winning game after game just to make it to the playoffs after their season appeared OVER following a tie vs. the Bengals late in the season. New York is the number one seed and defending Super Bowl champs, but the teams split their divisional games with both teams winning on the road. I honestly don’t know what to expect for this game, but as I mentioned earlier, an Eagles win means they travel to the desert next week to face Jesus, so I’m pulling for the Brotherly Bird to win this one.

What to drink – Oooooh, drinks already? Shit, gotta drink your way through it. Have some beers while you get back on track for the day.

San Diego vs. Pittsburgh – The second game of the afternoon should be a great one. The Chargers sneaked into the playoffs riding a 4 game winning streak and a collapse by the Broncos. Then they knocked off a hot Colts team last week at home and look to continue their late season surge on the road. Their earlier matchup ended in the only 11-10 final score in NFL history. Look for a few more points this time, but the outcome will be the same with a Steelers victory at home.

What to drink – Feeling better by now, but there’s no need to go crazy. Stick with beer and polish off those half-drank bottles of wine before they go bad. Steelers fans can have all the Flamethrowers they can handle though.

Predictions:

New York d. Philadelphia 31-24

Pittsburgh d. San Diego 20-17

Divisional Playoff Drinking

Stellar match-ups are on the schedule for the NFL playoffs this weekend! All 4 games feature rematches from earlier in the season, and I’m hoping at least The Bird can reverse the outcome of their first tilt with the Panthers – I could give a piss about the rest of the teams. That’s not to say I won’t be watching every snap of each game, I mean it is the playoffs, and the NFL season only has two more weekends of live games including the conference championships next week and the Super Bowl in February. Let’s look at the lineup for Saturday:

Tennessee Titans vs. Baltimore Ravens – The first game of the weekend pits two bitter rivals against one another in what will be a battle of two of the best defenses in the league. If you’ve read here long enough you should know by now that none of the contributors care for the home state team. Strange, I know, especially given the drinking talent of drunken Titans QB Kerry Collins. Go figure. The Ravens have always been built around a strong D that can put up enough points to win a game on its own, and if their improved offense can add to the scoreboard they have a chance to go all the way to Tampa for the big game. It is going to be an awesome, physical game to watch.

What to drink – start with beer and plenty of snacks. You don’t want to get too wasted before the second game. Maybe do a shot in the second half to maintain your buzz.

Carolina Panthers vs. Arizona Cardinals – The late game is being billed as the worst game of the weekend, with The Bird as double digit underdogs coming off an impressive win last weekend over Atlanta. I have to admit that they do face an uphill battle – they have lost all 5 games played on the east coast this year, sometimes in lopsided blowouts. The Panthers are undefeated at home and have a great 1-2 combo at the running back position with 28 rushing touchdowns. They also have Steve Smith, who is one of the best receives in the league that always torments the Cardinals when they play. But AZ has 2 pro bowl WRs and a third 1,000 yard receiver to lineup with gunslinger Jesus-freak Kurt Warner, so they have the tools to make a game of it if they show up and perform. Just like last week, they will need to start strong and keep it close early or it could be over well before half time.

What to drink – stay with beer to start, but keep the bourbon close by. After drinking all afternoon you may find yourself a bit bloated on beer and too much food. Kick your liver into gear with a belt straight from the bottle and continue as necessary.

Predictions

Tennessee defeats Baltimore 23-21

Arizona upsets Carolina 27-26!

NFL Playoffs - The Bird vs. The Dirty Bird

Get out the brown ale and brown liquor!

The NFL playoffs begin today with The Bird playing in the very first game at 4:30 vs. The Dirty Bird of Atlanta. This should be a great, close game if both teams decide to show up and play up to their potential. AZ has stumbled down the stretch and represent the lowly NFC Worst division where they did not lose a game, finishing the season at 9-7. ATL is rolling in with a 11-5 record and looking strong with rookie QB Matt Ryan. Hopefully the Cardinals can get off to a great start and keep the momentum at home throughout the game. If the Falcons get an early lead it could be trouble for AZ, having suffered several blowout losses after falling behind early and never recovering. I expect both offenses will be able to move the ball well, so the outcome of the game should depend on which defense doesn't give up the most big plays.

Prediction: AZ d. ATL 31-28.

Some things that suck

Damn you Knoxville. Splash pads and fountains may play well with the average dolt of a citizen that blindly looks at parks and greenways on face value as signs of culture. Meanwhile, those of us with a basic understanding of filth and disease shake our heads in disgust. Since this sign was clearly a post-poop afterthought, no one in a position of authority dared think that degenerate parents would allow their Hellish drop to prance about non-treated water in diapers. Just fucking awful.



Damn you Fulmer. A common refrain these days in Big Orange Country, made all the more relevant given the lackluster victory over a lackluster opponent. The collapse of the college football season means ill tempers and a social epidemic of drinking away one's sorrows. Though we here believe in 'drinking our way through it' as described last week, it would be pleasant to have a reason to celebrate. Instead, the evenings following a UT game are not the festive events like they were during my college days. Saturday night was like a leper colony sans the hope.



Damn you wine hangover. Look, since the dawn of civilization and grape-stomping, people have grappled with the dehydrated headaches of drinking too much vino. Following last week's WOTW festival on the river, my head was pounding like a full-on artillery barrage. I've been to three of these things and nothing goes totally right for me. As an event, it's a great deal of fun. A varied selection of wine and food from local and regional vendors, plus its for charity so you can fool yourself that you are part of something better than swilling wine on Friday(which you would be doing anyway, drunkie).



Damn you Cleveland Browns fans.

Mother of God, look at this asshole. While I endorse pelting non-performers with rotten vegetables and C-cell batteries(similar damage to D batteries, but lighter) I cannot help wanting to become the biggest shill and program homer when faced with the likes of this 'fan'

Damn you local schmucks. While walking through the World's Fair Park Saturday I once again lamented the lack of a rocking bar in the former L&N. When I was a boy, it was the first place I really can remember people getting plastered. I wanted to be one of those patrons and eagerly looked forward to drinking there on my eighteenth birthday. Two things prevented me from doing so: The utterly capricious decision to bump the drinking age to twenty-one, and the asshole jerks that seem to have their fingers in everything. Sure, nothing escaped the financial turmoil after 82 down there, but gradually business and life has returned to the Park, be it in the Sunsphere or Convention Center. The meddling historic assholes and nebulous power players in this town can't agree on what to do with the place. It's a shame. Sitting on that enclosed patio looking over the Park would be a capital locale for casual boozing.

Come down to the Brewer's Jam this weekend and see if you agree about the L&N. Failing that, you can at least get some sweet beer action. That, at least, will not suck.

Thursday Hangover

Man do I love holiday weekends. Not only do you get that extra day off work, but when you return you have a shortened work week. Of course there is the possibility of extra work that you have to catch up on since you were out a day (or more) so you have to weigh your particular situation. In my case, missing 3 days of work caused a considerable amount of extra work to do this week, which naturally sucks. Enough bitching though.

Looking back over the past few days there were some ups and downs. The biggest disappointment occurred when my beloved keg of IPA went dry at the start of the holiday weekend (not some upset loss on Monday night). Luckily the next best thing was available as backup: growlers of IPA. One of the pluses of hanging around drunks with similar tastes is that you're never too far away from that next favorite beer.

Thanks to Tag Berauscht and King Randall the Insufferable for supplying the beer on Monday. Though we lost the game, it was a good time and booze always helps soften the aches of defeat. Plus we almost had a full house of all the authors, with Scarlett O'Harlot away in Las Vegas probably trying to score a full house at the tables, or more likely black jack.

Lord von Lord already covered our visit to the Southern Graces Skybox. It has lots of potential to establish itself as a trendy, hip lounge if enough people are willing to pay higher prices for the view and unique location. The name could be better, and I agree with the readers who suggested "1982" a few weeks ago. Expect more updates from the authors.

And tonight is the glorious return of live, for-real, regular season, mutha-effin', NFL football. I'm fired up and will be in front of the TV salivating like a hyena over a fresh wildebeest carcass. One of the best sports blogs in the country, Kissing Suzy Kolber, sums it up best here. These guys cover and explain the NFL the way you wish you could see it on TV - not for the timid or PC.

So I'll have my booze, beer and snacks ready to go tonight at 7:00 PM. The only drawback is that it is on at about the same time as the US Open match of Andy Roddick vs. Novak Djokovic in the QFs. Most of you may sneer at the comparison of a tennis match vs. NFL football, but this is the final grand slam event of the year and actually a really good matchup. Still don't care? Think tennis if full of pansy-boys? Well take a look at this muscle...

Yeaaah! Andy Murray of Scotland will whup that ass if you think so. He is serious. And tough. Look at that scruffy beard!! Take a good look, 'cause he's about to lose to Rafa Nadal in tomorrow night's semi-final match.

Drink up!!