The Hangover

Brewers Jam is a fading memory once again. Days fill the distance from that warm, sunny afternoon of tasting beer and catching up with friends on the festival lawn at World's Fair Park. Somehow I managed to behave responsibly for most of the day before following my liver's heart and drinking the night away downtown with the boys. However there was no loss of wallet, cell phone or dignity for yours truly this year - a rare accomplishment for an event of this nature.

I'm not so sure about the fellow pictured below. He seemed perfectly at ease resting only a few steps outside the festival gate at the Chocolate Factory, but I can't imagine a less comfortable place to recline than those brick steps. This isn't exactly a sandy beach that beckons one to take a nap.

Monday Hangover

Literally. I’m hung over for the first time in a while following a week long quasi-bender that culminated Sunday night at Preservation Pub with beer and shots. I’ve been in the weeds at work and decided to deal with the stressful times by drinking my way through it, as usual. Not that I was getting shitfaced hammered every night but I definitely made sure to have 5 or 6 IPA dinner and random shots nightly to aid with rest and recuperation. It worked. I’ve easily made it through a rough week all thanks to inebriation. It was good to visit Pres Pub since I hadn’t been there in a while and it was unusually clear of smoke due to the doors being open with the warmer temperatures. I started off having Lowenbrau but was quickly goaded into Jager shots by serial drunkards KRTI and his Queen. Fine. I was ready for whatever came my way, except for the news that PP would no longer be selling Lowenbrau since their distributor was discontinuing that product. That and Mo’Nique winning an Oscar. Weird but whatever. I’ll miss my favorite imported beer. Maybe I’ll try She Wolf, I’ve heard it’s “ok”.

Monday Hangover

Ugh. It’s been rough the past couple of weeks. Holidays, work, and illness have me down but not out. Only a few more weeks remain in 2009 and if I’m going to make any kind of “go” at enjoying this stressful time of year you can bet that I’m going to drink my way through it. Therefore any unsecured booze, beer and wine that I encounter will have to deal with my liver. Those half-drank bottles of bourbon and vodka at my place: gone by tomorrow (starting tonight). The upcoming company work party: I will perform the “hat trick”, perhaps get fired. House parties and friends’ gatherings: I will cadge your party booze! Plus there will be trips to the liquor store and brewery. I’ve been in a fugue of sobriety for too long and it must stop now.

Monday Hangover

Pretty good weekend from what I can remember. Let’s see, a relatively easy-going Friday night, had some drinks at the brewery and Soccer Taco late to end the night. Saturday was the Vols game vs. UCLA and we all know how that went. We started the day strong front loading and having food at The Hill before everyone met up at my Urban Bunker for lots more beer (R.I.P. beautiful IPA keg) and booze, Patron to be precise. I should know better than to shoot too much of that prior to kickoff – shit makes me all woozy and sleepy and that just doesn’t cut it on game day. With the disappointment of a close loss we had a letdown of enthusiasm but managed to drink our way through it anyway.

NFL football on Sunday made things better. Even though I didn’t have a keg full of beer there was plenty of vodka to nurse me through the 10+ hours of football viewing. Awesome. And there are 2 Monday Night Football games tonight, so that’s nice. I’m not even too disappointed that my team, The Bird lost its opener to the lowly SF 49ers because nobody suffered a worse loss than the Bengals weird finish. Those poor bastards just have the worst luck in the entire league, so better luck next time. Ok, I’ve got some Kraut-beer sitting cold in my fridge, so call me Doug ‘cause I’m outta here.

(Soccer Taco, big ass beer)

Monday Hangover

4OJ Weekend – Independence Day came and went this year without so much as a hiccup, which is nice once in a while. Holiday parties can sometimes be overproduced and I was glad that no one in our group decided to make elaborate plans. Well, not entirely true - there were midweek and weekend birthday celebrations, but both were very simple and low key affairs. Friday night was probably the biggest “night out” when we descended upon the local Red Lobster and consumed a frightfully large seafood feast and numerous adult beverages. Against the outrageous suggestions from everybody at the table I did NOT have the Blue Whale. Assholes. Saturday the 4th was overcast with a sprinkle of sun here and there, just enough to relax at the pool and drink the half the day away. The 2nd half of the day was spent watching the entire first season of HBO’s Eastbound and Down and more drinking. If you like crude humor and idiotic sports figures (who doesn’t) then this is the comedy series for you, check it out on YouTube.

Wimbledon – The Championships ended yesterday with a classic, hard fought 5 set final between Roger Federer and Andy Roddick. Any tennis fan already knows that Federer won the match for his all-time record 15 grand slam titles. Yeah, I got up early with a hangover to watch the match from start to finish and was completely sober when it ended at 1:30 pm. I was disappointed for Roddick but enjoyed the awesome match for what it was and got up from my meast-like couch to start the day. Somehow I found the energy to put in a grueling hour + workout before going downtown to ruin it with another huge dinner and drinks – Downtown Grill & Brewery for dinner and beer, then Preservation Pub for more drinks and trivia with Brock and Brock.

Monday Hangover

Lots of food and drink this past weekend - good times, good times, I say. We didn’t waste any time getting started last Friday; Lord von Lord, Tag Berauscht, his frauline and I met for drinks around 6 pm and ended up having quite a dinner feast by the time things were said and done. Of course we drank plenty at dinner and continued afterward. Tag had replenished his basement keg with fresh IPA so we were slamming those as fast as possible, enough to the point of refilling two pitchers at a time, thus saving twice the number of trips downstairs. OSHA would be proud. The beer flowed like wine…

Saturday I enjoyed the morning with some early exercise, good weather and ran some errands before taking a well deserved nap. It was just past 3:00 pm when I got the call about “Lard in the Yard”, which pissed me off. For those of you who don’t know about LITY, let me briefly describe it as a full-on culinary ATTACK of grilled meats, side dishes, and desserts compounded by excessive drinking, hosted by our friend and his wife in their back yard. The reason I was pissed off is because I had no advance warning this was going to happen and didn’t have time to prepare my body for the amount of abuse about to ensue. Nevertheless I agreed to meet them and it went well as usual.

We had shrimp brochette, fish, huge steaks, baked potatoes, vegetables, garlic bread and some other stuff I’ve forgotten. For drinks we had the usual hat trick of beer, bourbon and wine, and there were cookies for dessert. All that took a while to prepare (while we drank) and we finally sat down to eat around 10 PM. We didn’t actually eat in the yard per tradition since it was too dark by then, but we enjoyed the weather on their patio just the same. As you can imagine after eating all that food we were just bouncing off the ceiling with energy, so we put in a DVD and waited until the first person passed out so we could strategically excuse ourselves one by one. Plus the cats were restless at that point and I didn’t feel like sleeping with those dangerous bastards waiting to pounce.

Sunday our group of drunkards didn’t get together at all. I think everyone was resting and bracing for the shitty weather that has arrived. Great, colder temperatures and rain, you know what that means…




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Rain Droats!!!

Monday Hangover

Saturday Timeline:

9:00 am – awake after sleeping off Friday’s happy hour (4-10 pm)
10:00 am – get out of bed
11:00 am – go for a short run, must be productive today
11:20 am – return from run
11:30 am – notice full pitcher of beer in fridge from night before. Damn, can’t waste it so I start to drink the flat beer
12:00 – shower, eat, etc.
12:30 pm – finish pitcher, decide to have another beer a fresh beer
12:35 pm – talk to LVL on phone (cont. to drink)
2:30 pm – talk to TB on phone (cont. to drink)
3:15 pm – Tag arrives (we drink)
4:00 pm – LVL arrives (we all drink)
5:00 pm – Keg goes dry! Shit, at least there is backup of more beer, booze, wine
6:00 pm – We’re out of back up beer, open wine
6:30 pm – We’re out of wine, find whiskey
7:00 pm – Order Papa John’s special pie plus a 1-topping for backup
7:30 pm – Food arrives
8:00 pm – We’re out of pizza, finish whiskey
8:30 pm – Find unmentionable cordial, do shots, arrggh...

We Kinda Suck At This Blogging Thing

Hey drunks,

Yes, YOU the reader, you’re a drunk too. I know because why else would you be here?

Welcome to our very 1st ever (EVER!) Drinking Knoxville mock draft, an idea we ripped off from successful, well written blogs that have actual readers who post comments and everything. I thought to myself, “Mackey, this is an easy way to get everybody to post as a group AND potentially have some readers get involved and provide their own thoughts via comments”. I was dead wrong on the first assumption and have a pretty good idea how the second one will pan out, we’ll see.

We'll start with a 2 round draft with each of us choosing our picks without repeating each other. You can simply list your answer or elaborate as much as you want to. In order to accommodate our mountain time zone blogger we'll do the 1st round in order, then the 2nd round in reverse order so he can go back to back due to (I'm guessing) limited computer access. Readers, feel free to add your own selections in the comments section. Allez!

The topic is HANGOVER CURES:

1st Round

Mackey - Supreme pizza, preferably cold out of the fridge, but it can be cooked or ordered fresh. All 4 food groups are represented in one dish, plus grease and salty olives do the magic. Some favorites include Stefano’s (wheat crust) and Mellow Mushroom.

Lord von Lord - Bloody Marys or Bloody Bulls...breakfast plus the hair of the dog, in my case heavy on the horseradish as well. Just enough of an eye opener to make that critical decision whether to bail on work or make Irish coffee and piss off the neighbors. Note: This never works out as planned, usually resulting in a mid-morning nap.

Bloody Bull from Cocktailtimes.com
Ingredients:- 2 oz vodka - 3 oz Tomato Juice - 2 oz Beef Bouillon - 1/2 oz Lemon Juice - 1 dash Tabasco Sauce - Black Pepper & Salt - Garnish: Lemon Wedge. Shake all the ingredients in a shaker with ice and strain into a highball glass over crushed ice. Garnish with the lemon wedge.

Scarlett O’Harlot - My current strategy is a multivitamin and a banana. Kind of girly, but that's my duty here, right?

M – A banana you say? Hmmm, okay.

This is where things started to go to shit

KRTI – Sucks!

1 week later

Tag Berauscht - There is only one cure for me on an average everyday hangover, and that's fluids, lots of them. And yes, Beer is a fluid, probably the first or second one to consider.


Several days later

Frank McWoo - Emergen-C. If you are not familiar, this is a powdered drink mix that comes in individual serving packages suitable for stowing in desk drawers, glove compartments, as well as mixing with airplane bottles of vodka in a pinch. It's full of vitamins, comes in several flavors, and makes a delightful alka seltzer style fizzing display when mixed with water.

2nd Round

Frank - I know I have bitched about Utah beer ad nauseum, but I just realized the true value of it. In fact, as a hangover aid, it may justify the existence of this swill. Enough "hair" to take the edge off a moderately hazy Monday Morning Comin' Down, while not so much as to prevent you from doing something productive if you can't talk yourself or the judicial system into putting it off.


Some two weeks later…

Tag - DNP

KRTI - still sucking

SO’H - Am I supposed to respond now? Are these other guys out?

M - We're waiting on Tag's 2nd response if he will ever get to it. KRTI is out, so you will be next. Hell, go ahead and reply and I'll get it worked out. Thanks!

SO’H: I don't think I ever got Tag's first response. Let me know what it is so I don't write the same thing.

M - He picked fluids/more beer. Frank kinda chose the same thing but since it is Utah 3.2 beer I am going to accept it because god knows how long it would take to redo. Fuck, this is more difficult than I thought it would be.

SO'H: My second hangover cure: Gatorade always peps me up a little.

LVL: (Not necessarily a cure )but usually the stark terror of pocket forensics, bewilderment on the exact location of my wallet/phone, and the panic that it might be time to roll into work will usually scare the remaining booze out of my system. In other words, sheer panic makes the pain go away.

M: Chinese food. Flied lice. Rich, syrupy sauces covering meats of all kinds. MSG slathered on everything including vegetables. Eggrolls. Plus points for delivery and not having to drag yourself out in public looking and feeling like hammered dog shit. (thanks Gary Busey!)

So there you have it, and it only took the better part of a month to piece that one together. C’mon readers, I know you’ve got something better to add to these hangover cures, don’t be shy now.

Car Scampering Drunk

Apologies! No Monday Hangover. No time. Must hurry. Before internet crash. Down 3 work days. f‘ing Comcast! \

Mild weekend. Drunk, football Sunday. Sushi late. Ran over car?...

Is it Monday Already?

Man, one thing I didn’t account for when starting this little blogging experiment is time management. It seems like most of my free time is spent either drinking or recovering from drinking. In between I manage to sleep (some) and work (too much), then the cycle repeats. It kinda makes it difficult to keep track of all the “blog worthy” crap our group comes up with, and honestly I’ve had to make up 60-75% of the posts here to compensate for my alcohol-soaked, memory challenged brain.

(my brain)

The hangover isn’t too bad this Monday. First let me update the Friday Predictions: not a damn one came true, except for the Vols non-loss because we all know they didn’t play. I take solace knowing I still have some whiskey at home. Saturday night was a good, easy-going time downtown with Lord von Lord and a surprise session with King Randall and his queen. We had some beer and only did a small number of shots/shooters compared to the usual all out assault on our livers. There was an awesome, smooth jazz band at the brewery too, probably one of the best bands I’ve seen there this year. Sunday was mostly uneventful, though I did get into a verbal confrontation with some of the Buddy’s walk-for-the-cure folks, who think just because they’re doing something for a special cause they can illegally park wherever the hell they want. Yes - I think it’s great to help others and support charities. NO - you can’t block my driveway/street with your SUV and leave it unattended. Move your ass!! I finished up the weekend at Sidestreet Tavern by having a few $2 beers and watching football with LVL.




Monday Night Football is the plan tonight: Browns vs. Bills = lots of beer and bourbon. That should get the week started in the right direction. Tomorrow the Skybox at the Sunsphere is hosting a Young Alumni function during happy hour from 5:30 – 7:30 that I’m considering attending. I’d like to see how many people actually show up and if there is enough room for everybody. I’ll let you know how things go…or I may fabricate something and just put it out there and see if it flies.

Monday Hangover

Old Forester Birthday Bourbon. That is what I purchased with the unexpected $38.27 I received in the mail last week as described two posts below. It fit right in the price range. I opted not to go with the Hendrick's gin since 'tis the bourbon season. Surprisingly I didn't crack into it right away (I'd already been to the bar for 4-IPA dinner) and instead waited until Saturday afternoon. Originally I thought I may keep this one to myself and be a stingy bastard, but I'm glad I brought in the support of Lord von Lord and Tag Berauscht to suffer enjoy this one with me.

Halloween night was a wash. I'm old, I was tired and not feeling well, and everyone else had bailed for some reason or the other. I didn't mind one damn bit. This made for an early start Saturday morning: cleaned up the place, did some errands, and got back home around lunchtime. LVL and I had already discussed getting an early start on drinks and met at Cumberland Grill for beers and a burger, plus there was bourbon on the rocks. We were slightly amused by the young girls across the bar so intent on "day drinking" after a night of Halloween hell raising, as they mentioned it loudly over and over and over again. However, we were IN NO WAY AMUSED BY ALL THE DANDIES DRINKING WATER...... AT THE BAR, NO LESS. I almost sent the douche boyfriend that joined the girls a glass of milk to see if that would suit him better than ice water. The bartender was not impressed either.

We finished up there and joined Tag and his frauline back at my place for a minute before heading to Back Room BBQ in the Old City. We were the first ones there and saddled up to the bar with one of our many bartending buddies. In short time we're getting rowdy and loud, cursing (each other, as usual) having good beers and ordered some appetizers. I highly recommend the nachos with pork bbq substituted for the chili. The fried pickles were good too. By this point it's almost time for kickoff so we went back to the urban bunker to watch the game us get our asses whipped and Phil lose to the "ole ball coach".

Before the outcome of the game was obvious we had already cracked into the Old Forester. Let me tell ya, this stuff ain't for the timid. If any of you remember Fire Lad from the review of Noah's Mill bourbon, it elicits a similar reaction. It is strong as hell, weighing in at 96 proof. The initial flavors are sweet (vanilla and caramel) but the "heat" kicks in right away with overpowering spice and complexity that I'm not sure how to describe. Tag and I tried, but the most we could come up with were pepper and, hell I forgot. Anyway we drank over half the bottle, starting neat then on the rocks. We were rocked. Then the Vols got rocked. Anarchy settled in, the place was trashed, and taxis were called. The rest is a blur.

Monday Hangover

Friday Offensive –I started drinking after work on Friday around 5:30 and by 10:00 had managed to offend most everyone around me, including close friends and strangers alike. The party I’d been invited to was at a different location than I thought, so I decided not to go to avoid drinking and driving - smart choice by me, unfortunate for innocent bar patrons. So without any party food to graze on I proceed to imbibe on an empty stomach. Things were going swimmingly and I met my friends from out of town, caught up on some news, had some more beer, and then shots were ordered. Soon after that I became surly, then angry, then offensive to the point of insulting friends and cursing aloud. My out of town friends would not contact me the rest of the weekend, so I must owe them an apology.

Bleak Outlook – The football Vols managed to eke out a 34-3 victory over the lowly Bulldogs of Starkville last Saturday night, but don’t let the score fool you into thinking it was a pushover. Leading only 6-3 at halftime the Vols looked anemic at best before gaining momentum in the 3rd quarter, then adding 2 late INT returns for touchdowns in the 4th to pad the score. Well, congratulations Phil on your first SEC victory midway through the season. Enjoy it before Nick Saban and Alabama come to town next week and paint the town Crimson.


Apparently the fans have decided to save their time and money, judging from the empty parking lots and campus area early afternoon. I realize it was a 7:00 pm kickoff, but if we were even ½ decent there would be traffic jam on the strip and downtown area with tailgaters. These photos were taken around 1:30 – 2:00 pm – pathetic. Those aren’t Halloween decorations you see, the Fort has been abandoned by hopeless UT students!

A friend who is a liquor sales rep told me their orders/sales on the strip are down about 30%. For those of you unfamiliar with the restaurant/bar industry, that is very significant. Most of the bars on the strip have traditionally counted on football season to boost sales and keep them afloat all year. Bruce Pearl has become their savior the past two seasons with a reinvigorated basketball team that takes up the slack of a lackluster football program. We’re now a hoops school, yea!

Season Change – Whiskey Season is nigh! After a perfectly sunny & warm day last weekend for Brewers Jam, the cool weather has arrived and fall feels like it’s supposed to in East TN. I’m looking forward to enjoying a bottle of Maker’s Mark or Jameson’s, maybe as soon as this week. I’ll try to behave myself as not to further offend Scarlett, King Randall, my bartender friends, my neighbors, and even no-name strangers. Be warned Tag Berauscht & Lord von Lord – I’m an arsehole!!

Monday Hangover

Oh god. These hangovers just keep getting worse and worse. Not necessarily the alcohol withdrawal and headaches, but more exactly the ass-kicking my body, mind and social reputation take week after week. And sometimes the aches are backed up by scars for evidence.

All my bitchin' and whining aside, this past Friday was some of the most fun fun fun I've had in a long time, and definitely the best group outing we've had since starting the blog. No, fuck a group outing. This was a Drinking Summit - a planned night of boozing that is worthy of capitalized letters. All the authors of Drinking Knoxville were there (see upper right section - I'm too lazy to type them here). We met, we drank, we carried on, we drank more, we moved next door, drank some more, ate and drank, then moved across the street and drank some more, we cussed, we lied, we made fun of each other, we made fun of strangers, we smoked and drank, and then moved on to yet another bar and really started drinking, shots, shots, shots, shots, singing (loud, awful singing), more drinks, and I think that's about all. Then I went home and started breaking shit in my condo. A great night all around.

Okay, maybe I can provide a little bit more information. This Drinking Summit needed to happen for a number of reasons:

• We all knew it was our last hurrah before the Vols officially ruined the season
• The authors had not been together as a group for a long time
• I felt compelled to get very drunk in public
  

We started our evening at Sullivan's in the Old City. This location was a last minute replacement after discovering Calhoun's on the River had been infiltrated by the Jort Nation and there wasn't a seat to be had anywhere at the outside patio. Undaunted by their presence we quickly move to the backup location and continue our drinking quest. Sullivan's used to be a favorite college hangout where you could arrive early, grab the large front table by the window and drink as long as you had money to spend. Things haven't changed all that much in 10 years because that is exactly how we started the night.

One of the funnier things to start the night was watching this guy in a wheelchair. (Before you start damning me to hell it should be known that he is a notorious panhandler around those parts known for his unusual behavior) We noticed this man "walking" through the intersection while sitting in the wheelchair about the same time a patrol car pulled up next to him. The cop was obviously aware who this person was because he also had a smile on his face just watching the man walk his chair from place to place. The "wheelchair walker" was rather drunk and started disrobing as time passed, and I wish I could've taken a picture of him raising his can of booze to us in salute as we all watched the show.

We then moved on to the Backroom BBQ and continued the summit. We were drinking heavily and food became necessary at the rate we were knocking 'em back. If you haven't been there before I would recommend it to anyone who likes bbq. (Ask what is fresh because they smoke different things on different days) The brisket sandwich is my favorite but it wasn't fresh so I went with the pork sandwich, still a solid choice.

Drinks, drink, drinks. We admire the classic Schlitz beer sign that was at the head of the table and wished the new, old recipe was available around these parts so we could have some of that old school brew. Soon enough, but for now we soldier on.

We're gaining momentum at this point and roll over to Manhattan's where we run into all kinds of people we know. Who knew people still went to these same bars just like back in the day? It was good to see some familiar faces in old places. The drinks keep coming, Coors this time. Banquet beer. Ah yes, I'm feeling it now. We all are, but not enough to slow down. We change venues for the 3rd (and final) time of the night and move it up the road to Preservation Pub. That is where the shots come in. Jager, check. Goldschlager, check. Kamikaze, check. I think I'm forgetting something but you get the idea - a shot parade!

One of Knoxville's best little cover bands, Big Bad Jukebox, was playing that night and they sounded great as always. We're feeling no pain at this point, I'm howling at the moon (or band), jokes are flying, laughs are shared, and we get outta there in one piece. I think that I mentioned going home to break some stuff. That wasn't the goal, just what happened. Mission accomplished!

End of the night?

Monday Hangover

Whew, what a good weekend of boozing! Had a good time Friday night celebrating the birthday of our very own Lord von Lord. We met up with Tag Berauscht and his Freundin, plus another couple of friends and front loaded at my place before heading up to have some drinks at the Sunsphere Skybox. The elevator situation still needs to be addressed, but the service was better this time around and we all enjoyed our cocktails while looking over downtown and Ft. Sanders from above.

After parting ways with that group, LVL and I went to meet King Randall The Insufferable and his “queen” to have more drinks. Lord was already hammered because he had the day off work and had been drinking heavily for god knows how long, so the facial color changes of pale white, to light green, to red, to white again are of no surprise – we’ve all been there. But none of us were expecting the surprise visit of “Catfish”who joined us at the bar for many drinks. So that was nice – me, KRTI, and Catfish getting Lord all tore up (ourselves included) until I don’t remember anything.

Saturday 2 PM - that is when I got out of bed. I felt great! College football and the US Open were on TV so I plopped down on my couch and didn’t move for several hours.

I’d planned on going out for beers and a good lunch to put some final thoughts on a bar review for the blog, but that idea was squashed Friday when I was told the Crown & Goose had failed their health inspection.

One point away: Crown & Goose at 123 S. Central Street - Grade: 69
Food temperatures were a problem here. An inspector found soup at 129 degrees,
but 140 is the proper temperature for hot food. The inspector says a hand sink was blocked so kitchen workers couldn't wash their hands properly.

Now this isn’t entirely a deal-breaker for me. Some of my favorite places are rat-holes, and they didn’t even fail that bad – just one point. I mean it isn’t like “Easy” was smoking a cigarette in the server station while the general manager was raking his finger through the mashed potatoes and eating them right in front of the inspector or anything. Geesh! I’m going to reconsider this news and make a final decision about the review at a later date.

I did manage to go out for a quick bite of sushi at Nama downtown. Had a couple of beers, witnessed a group of students downing some sake-bombs, considered staying out and making a fool of myself but decided against that and went in for the night. There will be plenty more occasions to make a fool of myself with football season upon us.

Sunday was most excellent – I got some errands out of the way early so I could start drinking right at kickoff of the NFL games. After the early games I went to Tag’s where we feasted on leg of lamb for dinner with all the snacks and beer you’d normally expect.

Not to mention my team, The Bird, won its opening game and stand 1st in their division. Plus there was even more tennis – Andy Murray thwarted my prediction and defeated Rafa Nadal to make it to the final of the Open. Which, by the way I’ll be watching at 5 PM today. On top of that there are 2 more NFL games on TV tonight. So I have plenty of recreational drinking to tend to this evening, starting as soon as I get off work. Any friends of/and the authors are welcome to come by tonight if you're up for it. I really hope I don’t overdo it though – I have another friend’s birthday to celebrate tomorrow night!!

Persiflage

Be it resolved that while the theory of two buck Shiner Bock pints is a good thing...the vodka tonic that followed was gratuitous and completely unnecessary. Mixed props for the weirdos at the bar that, while looking quite freaky, do have excellent musical taste. Something quizzical about unabashedly jamming to Night Ranger and The Scorpions in public. Drinking IPA in a salsa jar also made no sense, King Randall.

And a note to the Vol in the corner: Roll those Bruin sumbitches up a week from today.

Monday Hangover

Ah yes, another weekend in the books. I have to admit up front that I'm not as hungover as usual following a full weekend of drinking. So that possibly means I need to ramp up my alcohol intake or that I'm becoming immune to this notion of hangovers. Either way I'm not used to feeling so bright on a Monday morning.

Let's briefly take a look at the Friday predictions: from our group I'm sure we all overindulged multiple times, Scarlett did encounter some drama, King Randall is MIA, Lord von Lord talked heaps of shit, Tag angered his better half, and yours truly did visit a local bar for the first time - The Pint House. Pretty good, but those are easy predictions when you know your own group of drunks. Sports: Punkin-head Phil was certainly excited at some point about the Vols, USA did beat Russia by 21 points, Manny Ramirez did homer/Ken Griffey Jr. did not, Rafa Nadal did not win in Cincy but will become the new world #1 tennis player, and yes the NFL game did suck but in a good way. All in all I'd say not too shabby with my first installment of predictions.

Moving on to drinking. Fridays afternoons have become more and more difficult to stay sober and it really puts a hindrance on weekend drinking. Since I usually take that afternoon off work it only makes sense to have that first beer or drink with (or in place of) lunch. Typically I can pace myself or modestly have only 1 or 2 drinks and get on with some errands or something to occupy my time until proper evening drinks. But throw another drunk in the mix, let's say Tag Berauscht, and things get dicey. With a name that loosely translates to "Day Drunk" you know you're in for it. Peer pressure makes the world go 'round and also helps with that extra push when you're tempted by that 3rd or 13th drink.

So as we drink ourselves into a pleasant afternoon buzz, Tag is called away by the missis and I am summoned to drink with another liver-hater, Lord von Lord - the old 1-2 punch. We visit the Pint House. Then Puleo's, then downtown. You get the picture - I was shithoused by 9 pm. Kinda sucks to be done so early but it gives me an early start for Saturday.

Come to think of it I didn't do too much on Saturday (pauses)...



Okay, I'm drawing a complete blank, so it must have been a good day.

Sunday was unusual. Typically I'm in bed to at least noon before I crawl out and face the rotten day. This Sunday not only was I up before 8 AM, I actually followed through with plans to go hiking at House Mountain with Tag. In short it was an excellent hike - about 4.5 miles, great weather, rugged trails but not to rough, and terrific views. We visited a friend who lives nearby and had a few cold beers before heading back to Knoxville.

I decided to have bloody marys and invited some folks for the afternoon. These were made from scratch - no pre-made mixer here, just plain ole tomato juice and all the spices and fixins. They were pretty damn tasty, but I can only drink about 2 of them before it feels like I've eaten a 30 oz. ribeye. So it is important to go for flavor and make 'em spicy - horse radish is a key ingredient in addition to all the other hot spices. IPA got me through the rest of the night and man, wasn't it wonderful to see the mother-effin' NFL on television again! The sight of a shitty pre-season game lets us know the real thing is only 1 month away. (Calgon take me away!) So maybe that's why I didn't have much of a hangover this morning - healthy exercise, healthy drinks and soul-pleasing NFL football on the telly. Things are looking up for the rest of the year!

Monday Hangover

Goddammit I’m kicking mad!! Today was supposed to get off to a great start. Monday hangover was going to cover all the fun I had getting pissed drunk all weekend. All the beer I drank Friday starting at lunch. The beautiful new keg of IPA I have in my kick-ass kegerator. The 2nd drunk Friday evening going into the early hours of the morning. The cookout/bonfire Saturday night complete with whiskey drinking. And even further drinking Sunday afternoon at Sidestreet Tavern.

But no. No. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. My laptop has crashed. Again.

Computers crash and burn all the time, but mine was just fresh from the repair shop for less than two weeks and it apparently has the exact same problem as before. So instead of typing my worthless, drunken account of the weekend on my private laptop I’m limited to my work PC. I’m so pissed off about it that I could really use a drink….

Monday Hangover

I hate to admit there isn’t much of a hangover to report this Monday. Not that we didn’t consume massive amounts of alcohol this weekend (I mean it was the weekend) but usually one of our drunk asses does something so ridiculous and/or stupid to shame ourselves that we legitimately expect to be horse-laughed and ridiculed until someone does something else to take the spotlight off our follies. Ridicule builds character.

I’ve decided to alter this tame weekend of semi-decent behavior by falsifying some facts in the spirit of entertaining you, drunken reader. The fun will be deciphering which events actually happened vs. those that did not. “Never let the facts get in the way of a good story” someone once said…

So Friday I decided I would only work a half day and told my boss in no uncertain terms that I was tired of his shit and that I may be back on Monday. I said goodbye to all the saps left toiling at their desks by carpet bombing my way out the door. I started drinking immediately at 12:01 p.m. as I walked from my downtown office to my apartment near Strawberry Plains Pike. It was hot that day and I must have drank damn near the entire 12-pack of Hamm’s before I made it home.

After a relaxing massage and nap I am revived and ready to go! I don my 70’s era silk threads and make my way back to Knoxville where I have plans to meet up with Lord von Lord and Scarlett O’Harlot for happy hour drinks. (You will be introduced to this lush soon enough) Naturally I make a couple of stops along the way to parch my thirst and discover a favorite domestic beer just added that day to the beer taps at Manhattan’s:

Coors Original “The Banquet Beer”.

Hell. Yes. I have a few and continue on to the Urban Bar where I’m meeting those two drunks. It has been a while since I’ve seen the old girl and she appears a bit different than I remember as she arrived on her skateboard:

After assuring the server that none of us are police cadets conducting a sting operation we have some cocktails and draft beers. I then report back to the captain that they have let their guard down and to send in the “backup” cadets after we leave. Not every bar fills up completely at 5:00 p.m. for happy hour like it should, and this place was not even close, as we were the only customers. They could have used a few Greyhound transients to liven up the place, but I’ll quit my bitching – not everyone enjoys the company of smelly, money-grubbing strangers as much as I do. Nevertheless we finish our drinks and LVL pays the tab for once. (See, you add a fine lady to the group and all of a sudden that sumbitch becomes Donald “Don Juan” Trump)

We meet up with King Randall the Insufferable and his queen and continue drinking. Talk about someone who looks the other way when the check comes, KRTI is the only person I know to be confused with a transient while sipping PBR tallboys at Marie’s Olde Towne Tavern. We move along to yet another bar; this time I order a fine 12 year old scotch (single malt of course) with 2 cubes of ice. I ease into the drink and slip away to my happy place while waiting for my taxi to arrive.

Saturday was spent on the lake as it should be in 90 degree weather. The following things were consumed first: lunch, Goody’s powders, large bottles of water, Gatorade. Then on to the drinking: lake beer and Blanton’s bourbon. In between there were many insults, floating, bullshit, piracy, lies, accusations, boasting, stories of those who puked all last week on the boat, stories of girls’ ta-tas from last week, smoke breaks, responsible boating, ridicule of malt beverages on the lake, grilled Hebrew National hot dogs, burgers and chicken, mashed potatoes, underage girls flashing their goods, Ful-manure griping, discussing the ladies French Open champion

gun play, Tool, the heat, relief that hockey season was over, and not one single frozen boat drink.
After safely returning home via private limo I somehow managed to make my way downtown and met King Randall for a few more beers. This was the mistake. Not that anything happened, aside from quiet, polite conversation with “The Human Buzz Saw” while listening to the poetic styling of Sarah McLaughlin

but rather the lengthy 14 hour day of alcohol consumption that put me on the couch the better part of Sunday.

After finally recovering enough to make it to the weekly cookout at Tag’s we arrive and do little more than drink oh, 10 - 20 pitchers of beer, have dinner, relax, lose the dog, plot vengeance against those who plot against us, discuss the Commodores, and finally make our way back home in time to get some rest before the work week. And yes, I begrudgingly came to work today as I threatened not to do, but only so I could dispense the horrible surplus of “carpet bombs” I amassed over the weekend. I think I may take the day off Tuesday instead.

Tuesday Hangover

Okay I’ll make this brief since I’m a day late…

Friday – Tag constructed a shelf in his kegerator with the capacity to hold a ½ barrel keg and we put it to the test. The “testers” were me, Tag and King Randall. Yep, it worked like a charm and we put a hurtin’ on that beer. Or maybe it put a hurtin’ on us? What was originally planned as dinner and a few beers turned into dinner, a shitload of beer, an extended period in the Opium Den II, listening to the Rat Pack, and passing out on his couch overnight. (and I didn’t even get a goddamned blanket!)

Saturday was a lazy affair of nothingness and couch recovery.

I received several calls from KRTI and others trying to lure me out to another early day of drunkenness but I slept through most of them and ignored the rest until I was ready to go. Upon my late arrival at the bar I discover KRTI has already been “slowed down” and we have to go to another bar. Great shots! We indulged. We misbehaved. We were generally lewd and I somehow stumbled home without serious injury.
Sunday Feast was a wash. We had planned to cook an enormous feast of steaks, hang by the pool at the penthouse, and drink like fishes. Instead we welcomed Lord von Lord back from Hawaii and took it rather easy. A few beers at Tags, some shots at the bar, and called it a weekend.

Monday Hangover

Well another weekend gone by means another Monday Hangover, and this was a good one. As you have already seen we paid a visit to Marie’s for what I’d like to call Olde Timey Fun. We had a grande time and I didn’t even mind the reunion with some olde friends: PBR tallboys. Usually I’d scoff at that shitty frat beer but “When in Rome you do as the fucking Romans do” or something like that. This was only the first half of the night, and the only half I remember, so I’ll share my favorite aspect of the bar and move on. The Elvis décor really sets the atmosphere at Marie’s:

So we roll out the door and head to the next bar. The first thing we do upon arrival is order shots. Then another round of shots. And that is all I remember, aside from the dirty look from the bartender as he realized I am falling-down-drunk. Well not exactly at this point but soon after, as I was informed on Saturday that I had indeed fallen down. Twice. At the bar. In front of everybody. Somehow I made it home – and no, I didn’t drive, so fuck off.

Normally I wouldn’t return to the very bar I was cut-off from the previous night. But since I blacked out and had no idea I’d fallen down I was unaware of my transgressions. So for the next hour or so the bar staff had the unexpected joy of ripping me to shreds for being such an idiotic drunk the night before. I deserved it, but denied any accountability and eased into some modest beer drinking the rest of the night. That is until our group (Lord von Lord, King Randall The Insufferable, Tag B, and others) were set upon by the youth faction at our bar talking shit. Then he stepped in it by challenging us to a drinking contest. We’ll get into this more when the time is right, but for now we’re all licking our chops waiting for the opportunity to drink these pussies under the table. I envision it something like this:
But it will more likely be something like this:

Sunday was mild for the second week in a row. Early evening drinks at Tags. Then went out for just a couple more to send LVL on his way to Hawaii, which I’m sure we’ll all have to hear about over and over after he returns. Of course KRTI was there so we had to do some shots, Jager this time. Then again. You see how this goes…