Quote Overheard

"...if you'd spend less time trying to be hip and more time slinging drinks maybe you'd make some tips."

-KRTI 7/1/11 at Sapphire

Happy 235th Birthday Marines

"The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!" Eleanor Roosevelt once said.

That’s an awesome quote. I’ll drink to that, see you at the bar.

Algonquin Round Table Part Deux

Greetings all. Today I embark upon some needed discourse on boozing it up. I have assembled a crack team of both historical and fictitious personalities to offer perspective and opinion about the important drinking and social issues of our age.

Our panelists: Ike Turner, Animal Mother, Mick Mars, and Richard Dawson

LVL: Let's start with you Mr. Turner. What can you offer us from your often tumultous time with Tina Turner?

Ike Turner: I am the greatest lover who ever walked the Earth.

LVL: And what did you drink in those days to ease the anguish of such a relationship?

Ike Turner: Pimp hand, bitch!

LVL: Uhh, certainly Ike. Say...is Rick James available over there on the other side? No?

LVL: Okay then...we now turn to prominent Vietcong dispatcher Animal Mother.

LVL: Welcome.

AM: I'm gonna tear you a new asshole.

LVL: Charming, jarhead savant killer. Say, is that a VC over there?

AM: FUCK!

LVL: Impressive killpower and prejudice, sir. Now, let us introduce a man with no need of introduction Richard Fucking Dawson!

RD: 'allo 'allo! 'ellen 'ave you 'idden my 'atchet?? Cor! Blimey! Straight up from Sussex you lot arrrr! Let's play d' feud!

LVL: Sir, we aren't playing that game, and there are no women here for you to grope, despite your impressive gin/rum/scotch breath...which I might add defies all reason.

RD:ZZZZZZZZ

LVL: Shit. Fuck. Um...now, last panelist...slightly renown but utterly cool guitarist of Motley Crue, Mick Mars.

MM: Ten seconds to love!

LVL: Exciting, Mick. Been a big fan since Live Wire. Let's start with the rumors that Nikki injected all kinds of shit in his veins. Your take?

MM: If I want to do a concert with my ball bag hanging out, I can do it...I'm Mick Mars!!

LVL:Your rebuttal Ike Turner?

Ike Turner: Gots to keep the pimp hand strong.

LVL: What say you Animal Mother?

Animal Mother: If I'm going to get my balls shot off for a word, I want that word to be poontang.

(gestures with M-60, bungalow flies open)

Da Nang Hooker: Hey, you got girrfriend Vietnam? Me so horny. Me ruv you rong time. (conjecture, license)

LVL: Wonderful.

Ike Turner: Pimp hand, bitch!

Professional Drinker?

Reds Pitcher Kent Mercker on his future: "I'm starting my new profession -turning vodka into urine."

That is the best quote of the year so far from a professional athlete. Apparently Mercker is nearing the end of his long career in baseball and the quote is a reply to an 8 page letter to potential free agents. From the Dayton Daily News:

KENT MERCKER, who hasn’t pitched early June due to a bad back, was handed an envelope in the clubhouse and he quickly ripped it open, scanned the thick multi-paged letter and tossed it into the trash.

“Talk about a waste eight pages of paper,” he said. “It was addressed to: ‘All potential free agents.’ “

Mercker will be a free agent, but as he said, “What kind of market is out there for me?” Then he paused and said, “Well, hey. I’m left-handed, I’m 40 and I’m well-rested.”

Mercker has tried to play long toss and throw off the mound, “But my back is not working.” Most likely he is headed for retirement and said, “I’m starting my new profession — turning vodka into urine.”

Source: Dayton Daily News