Day of Rage IV

So this is a few months late but it's not like we are on top of things around here lately. This year went slightly better than 2014, meaning no bodily harm to any participants. There were three finalists this year, not four. Order of finishers: HL, LVL, M. Everyone agrees that this should be our last D.O.R., though months after the debacle there is talk of a 5 year anniversary edition next year with cask strength Maker's to mark the occasion. WTF? We will see. There are before and after (bottle) photos but Blogger or my laptop are not cooperating today - the first time in over a year when I decide to post here, figures.

Prick points were assigned, trinkets were awarded and a badge of valor was on display straight from Loretto, KY. Then more prick points were awarded throughout the day. Lies are being spread at this very moment that yours truly is odds on favorite for 2015 POY but I can assure you this is a highly disputed farce of shit. The new POY trophy is missing some qualified, overdue names who are more worthy of this title.

Eve of Rage

The 2nd Annual Day of Rage is tomorrow, 4/20. Not what you would normally expect for that particular date but it works. This will be my first experience as a participant, one of only three confirmed, though others have been invited. There will be spectators too.

What is the Day of Rage, you ask. I hardly know myself. According to my written invitation it states "...three grown men will each consume a bottle of delicious Maker's Mark Whisky. What will follow is a terrifying descent into madness and debauchery". So there you have it, debauchery and madness. And drunkenness. There are also mentions of food, refreshments and yard-gaming. Not to mention poetry at halftime, whatever that means.

I like it. Looking forward to it. Hopefully we all survive and I can provide an update of events soon. Until then, cheers.

Much Better

The weekend was quite simply, tits. Significantly better weather around our region finally allowed us to get out for a small bender/binge and we made the most of it. DK sincerely hopes that all of you managed some outdoor fun even if it was -gasp- spent sober.

Even though the South, and Knoxville in particular was spared the worst of this bitter-ass winter cockbite, let's face it this winter largely sucked. Piss poor economy + cold = meh. The Whisky Season endures of course, and private consumption of the brown was still very high but yours truly found himself finding less time for usual barhopping and much more time for drink specials and HH. With warmer weather around the corner(looking at you groundhog) we can expect to resume publican behavior and we'll let you know who and what survived the recent bleak days.

As all of you know, the first warm days of the year will cause the cabin fever to break, and our once febrile minds will entertain all sorts of high-minded ideas for a Saturday bender. Keg drinking, Maker's, and a healthy appetite for all sorts of victuals.

Yeah, that's sushi. No, we didn't drink the bourbon out of the sauce containers you assholes. Look, it was predictably a strange combination but damn if we didn't eat all of it. Perfect example of how one of these benders can go south.

So with that in mind, let me encourage you to get your warm weather boozin' together and tie one on before springtime rolls in. Hit the back yard a few times to prep for the true rite of the season: Patio Drinking.

Drinking Gatlinburg

Gatlinburg has more to offer than outlet shopping, the national park and Flapjack breakfast restaurants. While it is difficult to ignore those things, along with air brushed shirts, Airsoft guns and old timey photos, you can find other things to do in the South’s finest tourist location if you put forth just a little bit of effort. Our group went up for the weekend and managed to have a pretty good time doing what we do best – crafting. No, that’s a lie. We drank a lot of booze and feasted on steak dinners all weekend. (Hint - that’ a recipe for success just about anywhere you go.)

A few notes:


Set up a personal bar in the hotel room as soon as you check in. It is a very comfortable feeling knowing that no matter what happens during your stay that you will have your favorite adult beverage waiting for you in the privacy of your room. You'll need to have this for front-loading purposes but it serves as an emergency backup in case you get separated from the group or simply cut off at the hotel bar.

The Peddler is a fine restaurant that serves a delicious rib eye steak dinner. The salad bar is exquisite and the servers aren't above serving shots of bourbon and tequila between dinner courses (see LVL's previous post). Everyone's entrees were perfect and service was outstanding. I envision a return trip to this place, hopefully sooner than later.

And there were bloody marys. We were strolling the strip looking for our next watering hole to enjoy a nice, cold beer when we saw the sign at McCutchan's Bar & Grill advertising the world's finest bloody mary. Well, tempted by such a claim we sauntered into the bar "area" and ordered 4 of the bastards. A "regular" took our order and placed it with the barmaiden who began making our cocktails. Soon enough a nice server with a heavy eastern European accent delivered our bloodys and we drank 'em down. Yes, they were very good but sadly I do not think they were the world's best, sorry McCutchan. We moved on our way and within 2 blocks we saw another sign advertising the "world's best bloody mary". Shit. We'd been had but there was no way I was about to go in to comparison shop.

We opted to drink atop the mountain at Ober Gatlinburg instead. Good call. Although the options were limited once we reached the lodge, the bar was open, prices weren't too bad and the service was good. Mission accomplished. We moved on to Pucker's and Hoggs & Honeys to wrap up our drinking on the strip before returning to the hotel for dinner (another steak) and drinks. All in all I'd say it was a regal experience, and I'd like to make it back there without waiting 10 years between visits next time.

Chili!

Let's go get some. Having some beers as well, natch.

http://www.secondharvestknox.com/etnchilicookoff/

Possum Weekend

This isn’t a George Jones promotion, although no one here will stop you from enjoying the classic country bard. Knoxville’s very own rugby team is celebrating 30 years of play on the pitch. Scrums, rucks, mauls, hookers – all good times. The Possums have a solid, well established team that has competed for many years throughout the region at a very high level. They have close ties with the accomplished UT club team and, I believe, have helped grow the sport via youth and high school programs with pretty good success. In addition to their achievements on the pitch they are also prolific drinkers. These guys are champion boozers, drunkards and tosspots. They put the fun in functional alcoholics. They like the sauce. Arthur Bach would ask them to take it down a notch – that’s how much they like to drink.

To celebrate their anniversary they will host their annual banquet at Calhoun’s on the River this Friday night followed by a day of rugby vs. Johnson City at Possum Park on Saturday. Plus the UT “A” and “B” squads will play as well. Directions and more information are available at www.knoxvillerugby.com. Maybe the banquet is off limits but there will be plenty of time for drinks afterwards, just guard your women. Hell, in fact if you are a woman looking for some interaction with brutish juiceheads this may be just what you’re looking for. This group isn’t the most discriminating bunch of guys in town, trust me I’ve been there. And if you’ve never watched or been to a rugby match before this is a great opportunity to make it happen. The weather is supposed to be cool and clear, admission is free and you can BYOB (or at least you could in the past, I haven’t been in a while). It’s a good time and fun to watch these guys run and beat the hell out of each other just for sport. As an “old boy” I congratulate and salute the Possums on 30 years of success and wish them many more. Cheers!

Tuesday

Yeah, so I've managed to acquire a bar globe. Nothing fancy, I didn't buy it airdrunk from Skymall or the Westerfield estate but it will serve in the beginning. Numerous early ideas about painting it like Unicron or the Death Star were bounced around. Like so much else, we just cut through the shit and accepted the status quo so as to get drinking "right damn now."



Not a particularly expensive or complex model, nonetheless the damn thing was lying in the motherfucking weeds and jumped up to wage hateful war against the group this last weekend! Much like Atlas and Mackey's dual kegerators that came before it the bourbon and vodka contained therein prosecuted our livers effectively. I am not confident of victory.

Danger Powers

At a moment of impulse I picked up this bottle of Irish whiskey to sample this weekend. And by sample I mean drink the whole damn thing. Surprisingly I’ve never had this brand before. Initially I was going to buy my usual Jameson’s, then I saw Bushmill’s and Powers sitting side by side and had to make a decision. After a second or two of drunken synaptic misfires my right hand reached out and grabbed the Powers off the shelf. I strode with pride to the register, made my purchase and completed the entire transaction in about 1 minute flat. Somehow the bottle remains unopened and I have yet to have a sip, but I suspect that won’t be the case very much longer.

Heheheh, I laugh every time. The first (and best) Austin Powers is comic gold. Or is it Powers Gold?

Fleta Fest

Here is a weekend option if you're willing to face the rainy weather, humidity and even worse, patchouli. A brief description of the fest is available here. Enjoy!

Jefferson Mint Tea Julep

Check this out, over the weekend we watched the Kentucky Derby and enjoyed adult beverages as usual. No news there but we did try Jefferson’s Bourbon and I have to admit I’d not heard of it before. It was very, very good though and I see it becoming part of our standard rotation.
Tag Berauscht procured this product with intentions of making mint juleps, the exact mint juleps listed below, except subbing the Jefferson’s for the Makers Mark. Well, we adjusted the recipe a tad but ended up with a pretty good alternative. For some reason we decided not to have classic mint juleps and opted to use tea instead (I heard it was from a Rachel Ray recipe but don’t tell anybody). I think it basically ended up as a mint tea ice pick but with the addition of the simple syrup/mint extract.

Hell, I don’t know exactly but it turned out pretty good. We all enjoyed our single beverage and then started drinking straight for the bottle, natch. Jefferson’s is a smooth, easy-drinking bourbon that isn’t too complex or harsh. At 82 proof it won’t burn you down and has an even balance of spice and mellow flavors like vanilla and caramel. It’s worth a try next time you’re shopping for something new and don’t want to break the bank, it sells for less than $25.

KY Derby Weekend

The weather is supposed to be mixed with rain and shine over the weekend so you probably won’t be able to do a whole lot outdoors. One distraction is the Kentucky Derby which runs for about 2 minutes but allows for hours of drinking and socializing. I’m not a fan of Mint Juleps. There, I said it. Just give me the bourbon and ice and I’ll take care of the rest. But I know some of you like to have proper cocktails for certain occasions and I thought the (very) least I could do is provide a recipe. The following is taken directly from the Makers Mark website – copied and pasted so you don’t have to go through that pesky age verification crap. Cheers!

Perfect Mint Julep
Makers Mark

Lots of fresh spearmint

Distilled water

Granulated sugar

Powdered sugar

This recipe is involved but worth it. If you must skip # 1, mint extract can be purchased at the local grocery.

To prepare the mint extract, remove about 40 small mint leaves wash and place in a small mixing bowl. Cover with 3 ounces of Makers Mark. Allow the leaves to soak for 15 minutes. Then gather the leaves in a clean, soap-free piece of cotton cloth and vigorously wring the mint bundle over the bowl of whisky. Dip the bundle again and repeat the process several times. Then set aside.

To prepare the simple syrup, mix 1 cup of granulated sugar and one cup of water in a cooking pot. Heat to dissolve the sugar. Stir constantly so the sugar does not burn. Set aside to cool.

To prepare the mint julep mixture, pour 3 cups of Makers Mark into a large glass bowl or glass pitcher. (Pour the remaining whisky from the liter bottle into another container and save it for another purpose). Add 1 cup of the simple syrup to the Makers Mark.

Now, begin adding the mint extract a tablespoon at a time to the julep mixture. Each batch of mint extract is different, so you must taste and smell after each tablespoon is added. You may have to leave the room a time or two to clear your nose. The tendency is to use too much mint. You are looking for a soft mint aroma and taste generally about 3 tablespoons.

When you think its right, pour the whole mixture back into the empty liter bottle and refrigerate it for at least 24 hours to marry the flavors.

To serve the mint julep, fill each glass (preferably a silver mint julep cup) half full with shaved ice. Insert a sprig of mint and then pack in more ice to about an inch over the top of the cup. Then, insert a straw that has been cut to one inch above the top of the cup so the nose is forced close to the mint when sipping the julep.

When frost forms on the cup, pour the refrigerated julep mixture over the ice and add a sprinkle of powdered sugar to the top of the ice. Then serve.

Brewers Jam - SOLD OUT

As the title says, the 2009 Brewers Jam has sold out of tickets. For those of you who were planning to go but did not get your tickets in time I don’t know if you have any options. I have mixed feelings about the sellout. On one hand I’m happy they reached their goal of ticket sales and the fact that beer lines will be shorter, move faster, etc. On the other hand I was hoping the event would expand rather than contract, sort of the “more the merrier” argument, but the brewers and promoters didn’t want this and obviously have it their way. I can understand the arguments about crowd control and limiting alcohol consumption – it is a beer “tasting” not drinking competition (a la Beerfest) but why not spread out to both lawns at World’s Fair Park to have more room and monitor the beer distribution the same as always? A 4-ounce tasting glass only goes so far you know. There is probably a good reason that I'm not in charge of events like this.

Cold Monday Hangover

Brrrrr – I knew the weather was turning cold but that was pretty damn fast! I scraped the first of many frosted windshields this morning, so that was good to get out of the way. Er, whatever. Let’s officially say whiskey season is here. Friday night I ventured to Barley’s in the Old City to catch the Richard Lloyd concert I read about in Metro Pulse and heard on WUTK 90.3 that afternoon. I’m glad I decided to go because not only was it a great performance but I ran into a couple of friends I haven’t seen in a while and had a good time catching up with them. A few beers and couple of Maker’s Mark whiskeys helped things along nicely. On a side note, not that I recommend the practice, I happened to notice a lady doing the old “pour your own airplane drinks in cola” routine that amused me for some reason. Hey, times are tough out there.

Friday’s whiskey consumption was nothing compared to that on Saturday at OCI on the strip. I met the group for an “entertaining” affair of food, drink and belated birthday celebration that wound up as it usually does – drunken, obnoxious public behavior. Very surprisingly we toned down the profanity and f-bombs when some families with minors showed up, but not completely of course. I don’t blame the $3 big gulps of beer as much as I do the countless shots of Jameson’s, Maker’s and other various shots. Plus no group outing would be complete without pointless arguing, drama and dangerous face plants (not me this time!). I hope everyone has recovered adequately enough to return to work this week.

Sunday was a day of recovery as it often is. Football and couches go together so well. I managed to keep my beer intake under 5-6 pints and ended a very tranquil day with a fine pork sandwich with slaw from Dead End BBQ (updated website). This is the first time I’ve had their sandwich and the slaw contains bleu cheese that sends the taste off the charts, at least IMHO. It was exquisite!


Oh, did you think I’d forget to add these?

Yeah, it's droat season.

Wine on the Water

This Friday I plan to attend my very first Wine on the Water fundraiser for Cystic Fibrosis at Volunteer Landing. Drinking for charity? Sign me up. I’m looking forward to good wine, food and hopefully nice weather during this early fall season. $50 - $60 gets you access to vendors from 6:30 – 9:30 p.m. and there will be live music performed by the Vibraslaps (also performing later that night at Preservation Pub). The price seems a bit steep but I believe it will be worthwhile. Obviously the money is going to charity and I think I can eat and drink enough in three hours to justify the expense. I heard they had a “gin tent” last year so I’m sure there will be a variety of adult beverages to sample besides wine. Details about tickets, parking, tasting stations, etc. can be found at the official website.

To sum up

Oh we drank Pac-Man

Weekend camping is painful

Oilers run fake punt

Friday Predictions

• The Vols will not lose this weekend
  
• The ½ handle of Maker’s Mark on my bar will not make it through the weekend
  
• Scarlett and King Randall, who apparently no longer post here, will reveal they’ve had a secret affair over the last 6 months that makes blogging here “awkward”- KRTI will not survive the aftermath
  
• Tag, vacationing in Gatlinburg this weekend, will encounter a nasty Candiru in an unclean hot tub - it will not end well
  
• With Drinksgiving less than 2 weeks away, our group will begin shopping for as much shit as we can throw into a vat of hot oil
  
• I will not cause further bodily harm or injure myself (until after my ribs heal)
  

Big Weekend

Man, I’ve been so…….……..lazy I guess. “Drunk” just sounds so negative and irresponsible, but that is an accurate description too. Work is partly to blame: I’ve been goin’ at it hard since last weekend and it finally let up enough yesterday for me to catch my breath and allow for some weekday drinks. A quiet workday and 2 IPA lunch/snack kinda makes me long for the days of taking a nap at work, but I haven’t done that in some time now. I’ll just work drink through it.

This weekend is Homecoming/end of an era for the Vols and I plan to celebrate and send ol' Punkin Head out in style (Me, not him.) I’m gonna drink a lot, if not more than usual. As a Volunteer fan I have a lot of respect for what Phil Fulmer did for our program and the longevity of his career as a player and coach. I hope we can send him off with a few more wins to add to his resume. I think there will be a positive vibe around campus at the next two home games. I positively plan to ring in whiskey season with the finest Maker’s Mark bourbon I can wrap my lips around.

Like many, many alumni before us, our group of friends will gather in Knoxville to celebrate the good times we’ve enjoyed and hopefully make some memories to share at future gatherings. Fat chance – I can barely remember what I did last week, much less a year ago. Friends will be coming in from all regions of the country, some that I haven’t seen in a year or two. Looking forward to it, but I hope we can keep everybody out of jail this year. The wives are staying home so I don’t know if that’s a good sign or not. It didn’t seem to help much with them here last year, so we’ll test that theory and let you know. We'll miss ya though ladies!

Since I finally have a new place that is large enough to welcome a sizable group of visitors, I guess I need to put together a shopping list. I went to the grocery and picked up some chips, salsa and peanuts for food. Now I need to hit the major items: beer, wine and bourbon.
The first wave of troops arrive tonight around 10, after that all bets are off. Of course I expect him to be all liquored up when I pick him up at the airport so I may have a reprieve of one night. Doubtful, but we’ll see. Here is to Homecoming!

Monday Hangover

Friday Offensive –I started drinking after work on Friday around 5:30 and by 10:00 had managed to offend most everyone around me, including close friends and strangers alike. The party I’d been invited to was at a different location than I thought, so I decided not to go to avoid drinking and driving - smart choice by me, unfortunate for innocent bar patrons. So without any party food to graze on I proceed to imbibe on an empty stomach. Things were going swimmingly and I met my friends from out of town, caught up on some news, had some more beer, and then shots were ordered. Soon after that I became surly, then angry, then offensive to the point of insulting friends and cursing aloud. My out of town friends would not contact me the rest of the weekend, so I must owe them an apology.

Bleak Outlook – The football Vols managed to eke out a 34-3 victory over the lowly Bulldogs of Starkville last Saturday night, but don’t let the score fool you into thinking it was a pushover. Leading only 6-3 at halftime the Vols looked anemic at best before gaining momentum in the 3rd quarter, then adding 2 late INT returns for touchdowns in the 4th to pad the score. Well, congratulations Phil on your first SEC victory midway through the season. Enjoy it before Nick Saban and Alabama come to town next week and paint the town Crimson.


Apparently the fans have decided to save their time and money, judging from the empty parking lots and campus area early afternoon. I realize it was a 7:00 pm kickoff, but if we were even ½ decent there would be traffic jam on the strip and downtown area with tailgaters. These photos were taken around 1:30 – 2:00 pm – pathetic. Those aren’t Halloween decorations you see, the Fort has been abandoned by hopeless UT students!

A friend who is a liquor sales rep told me their orders/sales on the strip are down about 30%. For those of you unfamiliar with the restaurant/bar industry, that is very significant. Most of the bars on the strip have traditionally counted on football season to boost sales and keep them afloat all year. Bruce Pearl has become their savior the past two seasons with a reinvigorated basketball team that takes up the slack of a lackluster football program. We’re now a hoops school, yea!

Season Change – Whiskey Season is nigh! After a perfectly sunny & warm day last weekend for Brewers Jam, the cool weather has arrived and fall feels like it’s supposed to in East TN. I’m looking forward to enjoying a bottle of Maker’s Mark or Jameson’s, maybe as soon as this week. I’ll try to behave myself as not to further offend Scarlett, King Randall, my bartender friends, my neighbors, and even no-name strangers. Be warned Tag Berauscht & Lord von Lord – I’m an arsehole!!

Friday Thoughts

Got a few things on the horizon for the weekend, but first I’d like to acknowledge the fellow drunk ahead of me in line at the Pilot this morning who was purchasing a 24 oz Icehouse. I appreciate your early morning commitment to drinking, even if it is a shitty beer. Not sure if he was coming from or going to work, but an 8:00 am beer sounds good either way.

I’m debating whether I should attend a party later tonight. There really shouldn’t be any question since it has an OPEN BAR which we all know means FREE BOOZE. The down sides are that it is a corporate-type, work related party where people don’t know me as the drunk I really am, and that it is an early Halloween party and costumes are encouraged. Fuck! I don’t think I could look my liver in the eye if I didn’t take advantage of this situation, so I’ll probably go. There’s no way I’ll dress in costume since I haven’t given it a thought this year. I just have to decide if I want to bring along a drinking pal to take advantage of the gratis hooch, we’ll see.

MSU comes to town to play the Vols on Saturday and with that comes the chance we’ll get “Croomed”, which will put an end to questions about our future coaching situation. With our current mess of a program I don’t even care much about the game this weekend. However I do have some friends visiting from out of town that are MSU alumni and look forward to seeing them since it’s been a while since we’ve hung around and drank. These guys are from Mississippi and love to drink beer, smoke cigarettes, curse and talk shit. And they drink bourbon too. They’re good at what they do, even if it is in support of the lowly Bulldogs.

Beerfest Review Mk Zwei

By now you have read Mackey's accurate and glowing review of the Twelth Annual Brewers' Jam. Let me first say that proper credentials are the tits. Only shitheels and mendicants get in the gate with conventional tickets. Shame and woe unto your familial line, douche.

God, you luckless dandies and sit-down-pissers missed an afternoon party. Thanks to the bedshitting that is the football season, each of us 3,500 drunks in attendance were able to enjoy a fall Saturday in mutual fidelity and comradeship. As Mackey blogged earlier, this is the only time of the year that I can see fans of The Beatles and Dead mingle with supporters of The Clash and Iggy Pop...who in turn chug with Megadeth and Dethklok fans. Truly it is a halycon day.

In the above photo, taken about 1/4 of a ship's hour before the actual opening, we can see the relative calm before the storm. It's weird, like Egypt before the locusts. Speaking of pestilence, look at these freaks...as Mackey said: like kids out of school.

Except for that queer sumbitch in the middle, it's like an invasion swarming your mined emplacements and murder holes. Christ, you drunks be patient!

Unlike Mackey, I did see some bad behavior. Look folks, when the cops catch you in a restricted area you are screwed. That's true of the beat cop, let alone the command level police officer that ran off a smartass couple and cited them for PI. I'm not a friend of oppressive law enforcement by any means, but when he gives you not one, but two chances to walk away...well then Neil Young and your Yoko of a wife, you need to take it. Seriously. I give props to KPD for showing calm and restraint. Only when pushed(figuratively) did this supervisor assert his authority. They and KFD demonstrated professionalism at this event.

Towards the end of the evening, following trips to see the UT-UGAy debacle, the weather petered out and became most sublime.

Nice. Real nice. This is one of the premier events of the year...and I don't say that just because the food vendors gave me free shit. It's a gentle atmosphere, best enjoyed from your pals in the industry:
Sumbitch it was hot outside the tents. Did I mention that? ESAD.