Beerfest Review Mk Zwei

By now you have read Mackey's accurate and glowing review of the Twelth Annual Brewers' Jam. Let me first say that proper credentials are the tits. Only shitheels and mendicants get in the gate with conventional tickets. Shame and woe unto your familial line, douche.

God, you luckless dandies and sit-down-pissers missed an afternoon party. Thanks to the bedshitting that is the football season, each of us 3,500 drunks in attendance were able to enjoy a fall Saturday in mutual fidelity and comradeship. As Mackey blogged earlier, this is the only time of the year that I can see fans of The Beatles and Dead mingle with supporters of The Clash and Iggy Pop...who in turn chug with Megadeth and Dethklok fans. Truly it is a halycon day.

In the above photo, taken about 1/4 of a ship's hour before the actual opening, we can see the relative calm before the storm. It's weird, like Egypt before the locusts. Speaking of pestilence, look at these freaks...as Mackey said: like kids out of school.

Except for that queer sumbitch in the middle, it's like an invasion swarming your mined emplacements and murder holes. Christ, you drunks be patient!

Unlike Mackey, I did see some bad behavior. Look folks, when the cops catch you in a restricted area you are screwed. That's true of the beat cop, let alone the command level police officer that ran off a smartass couple and cited them for PI. I'm not a friend of oppressive law enforcement by any means, but when he gives you not one, but two chances to walk away...well then Neil Young and your Yoko of a wife, you need to take it. Seriously. I give props to KPD for showing calm and restraint. Only when pushed(figuratively) did this supervisor assert his authority. They and KFD demonstrated professionalism at this event.

Towards the end of the evening, following trips to see the UT-UGAy debacle, the weather petered out and became most sublime.

Nice. Real nice. This is one of the premier events of the year...and I don't say that just because the food vendors gave me free shit. It's a gentle atmosphere, best enjoyed from your pals in the industry:
Sumbitch it was hot outside the tents. Did I mention that? ESAD.

Knoxville Brewers Jam

Another hugely successful Brewers Jam is in the books. Saturday turned out to be a perfect day - the weather was hot and sunny, the beer was cold and plentiful, and everybody there had a great time. I had the privilege to sneak in a little bit ahead of time and see some things behind the scenes. While nothing about that was exciting, the best part of being there early was watching the gates open right at 1 pm and seeing the flood of people stream in and race to the beer tents. It looked like the last day of school let out and the kids were starting summer vacation.

The line wasn't as large as last year, mostly because the organizers chose to sell fewer tickets. I guess it worked out fine because the beer lines never backed up too long and there definitely was more open space to move around this year. There were also tons of police working to manage the crowd, and I only saw one incident where the police had to escort a man out but it was the most civil and easy-going situation I've ever witnessed. I never heard of anything else happening that day.Like I said, it was a hot, sunny day. Luckily there was a cool breeze throughout the afternoon, but finding a spot in the shade of a beer tent was better than anything - you could refresh your beer and take a break from the heat.
Lots of people dressed up and this guy rocked the full "Beerfest" ensemble. There were beer goggles, beer t-shirts, beer hats, funky boots, goth girls & guys, 1970's starlets, punks, dweebs, losers, dickheads...you get the idea.

There were some favorite new beers, and some bad ones too. I was looking forward to the Old School ale by Asheville but found it way too sweet, however I was told the Shiva IPA was excellent. Lucky Kat IPA by Magic Hat was one of my favorites, Unibroue had some strong ales that everybody kept talking about. Thomas Creek, Highland Brewing, Catawba Valley, Foothills Brewing Company, Duck Rabbit and Yuengling were others I tried that all brought their A game.

And of course our local boys at Woodruff Brewing Company and Downtown Grill & Brewery represented in full force with 4 of their brews. IPA is my favorite and what I drank most of the time between sampling the other stuff.

Overall I had a blast and I think most of our group did too. Last year was more fun and exciting since it had been a long time since I'd been there; this year was almost as fun but better planned out and I made it through the day without personal injury or loss. The absolute best part of the day happened mid-afternoon as a group of us were standing around drinking and carrying on when a hot, beautiful girl stumbled right through our circle exposing a perfect boob and kept going. We gawked quickly and just stared at each other before laughing and wondering what the hell just happened. So there you have it - beer, good weather and surprise public nudity. It doesn't take much to keep this group happy. Maybe throw in a footlong corndog and call it a good day.

4.5 out of 6

A quick follow up about my Friday predictions, I'm 4.5 out of 6. I called a close game for the Vols to lose, but they didn't have much of a chance at the end so I'll take half credit for calling the loss. I didn't lose my cell phone, but didn't lose my camera either so that's a 1-1 push. The Bengals remain winless, I was hung over Sunday, and the biggest win is that The Bird did in fact defeat the Cowboys to shock the NFL world. Remember I called it here first!

Friday Predictions

• I will NOT lose my cell phone at Brewers Jam only to have it returned later next week by a Scandinavian exchange student like last year
• The Volunteers will play a tough, close game vs. the hated Georgia Bulldogs and have a chance to win the game in the 4th quarter but will lose on a late redzone turnover
• The "Bird" of AZ will host and defeat the Cowboys this weekend to shock the NFL world and piss off Lord von Lord
• The Bengals will remain winless
• Instead of losing my cell phone at Brewers Jam I will lose my camera, thus preventing me from posting any pictures next week
• I will be hungover at work on Sunday, but at least my boss won't be there to smell me

24 Hours 'til KBJ

This is the KBJ scene around 8:00 a.m. this morning. As you can tell there is not a lot happening. About 24 hours from now there will be a horde of people queued up licking their chops for tasty beer. If last year was any indication the line will stretch all the way down 11th Street and wind onto Cumberland Ave and move slow as molasses. A bit of front-loading may be required if you're the impatient type. It does take time to check IDs and issue wristbands, glasses, etc. but all good things are worth the wait.

This is the entrance table where they will distribute the tiny glasses (about 3-4 oz) for "sampling" all the fine beer. This is also the starting line where the stampede of drunks rush the lawn to claim their picnic spots with blankets and chairs before hurrying to the vendors to get a head start on all the slow pokes not eager enough to show up hours ahead of time.


The weather forecast has been upgraded to Sunny and 83 degrees, so bring your sunglasses, hat, sunscreen, and maybe a folding chair. Or just flop directly on the ground when you feel necessary like I did last year. There is plenty of live music, some free giveaways, and food vendors too, so bring cash if you're planning to eat. I will dine on the southern delicacy that is: the Footlong Corndog. One thing about drinking as much beer as you can, as fast as you can, is that it tends to run through you at some point. There are the standard port-o-johns, but I believe they allow passes outside the gate and there are multiple restrooms at the adjacent World's Fair Park office just a few steps away. Try to taste as many brews as possible, be prepared for lines, enjoy some food, music and good weather. This is going to be a great beerfest.

Off Topic - Comcast Sucks

I could go off about how Comcast has stuck it to me personally over the past 10 years since I've lived in Knoxville. I'm sure most of you have a similar opinion, or at least a story. I'll spare you my whining, bitching and moaning and keep this brief:

Any time there is a significant rain storm passing though town it totally ruins our Comcast connection at work

• Good if you don't want to get any work done
• Bad if you want to fuck around online and ignore work
• Doubly bad if you have work to do in addition to fucking around on the Internet
  

I hate them

KBJ Countdown: 4 Days...

The Knoxville Brewers Jam is a mere 4 days away and I couldn't be more excited. What could be better than enjoying beautiful fall weather and drinking flavorful, fresh beer all afternoon long? The current forecast for Saturday is mostly sunny with a high of 82 - perfect! Tag Berauscht has previewed a good number of the brewers that will participate at the Jam this weekend, and following his example I would like to introduce a regional favorite that has served us well in the past, Foothills Brewing Company.

The folks in Winston-Salem, NC have a pretty good local brewery to call their own. I was lucky enough to sample their brew a couple of years ago when visiting W-S for a Davis Cup tie with Lord von Lord. Arriving at the Joel Coliseum thirsty for a beer I was sorely disappointed when I got to the concession stand and saw the standard, shitty offerings of domestic beer. I was resigned to drinking this through the weekend if necessary, so I got us a couple of Butweipers and went to find our seats. It was only a few minutes later when we found our seats and noticed a beer vendor situated directly beside our entrance - it was Foothills Brewing. Fortune had spread her legs for us and we took full advantage of this offering. We drank their beer for 3 straight days and got our fill of the Salem Gold and Pilot Mountain Pale Ale.

These are both good beers and I suspect at least one of them to be on hand at KBJ this weekend, probably the Salem Gold. As you can see in the image above the alcohol volume is lower than a lot of beers and it is a light, easy drinking beer. Check out their website for a full list of their brews and hope they bring a couple you want to try. For example, I would like them to bring the Seeing Double IPA but it just ain't gonna happen. They have a nice list of seasonal brews that they could bring also: German Alt, Scottish Ale, Oktoberfest, Maibock, etc. Maybe even the Sexual Chocolate for no other reason to show off their impressive art work of a strong, black woman representing their Imperial Stout.

I returned to Winston-Salem earlier this year for another Davis Cup tie and stayed closer to town and was able to visit their brewery restaurant a few times. I practically lived there during my stay and recommend a visit if you happen to find yourself there (the fish & chips kick ass). I think I remember having their brown ale, definitely had their ESB, Pilsner and aforementioned Seeing Double IPA. Basically I don't think you will have a problem enjoying their beer. Just find a style that fits your taste and give it a try.