Random Manure

Sometimes I fret that people aren't drinking enough. Living here in this fortress of drinking while being surrounded by the so-called Bible Belt tends to cause paranoid delusions. Trust me, Mordor ain't got shit on some of the baleful glances I get from the teetotalers(especially when their hellish drop is closeby) when I am about town.

A little perspective is needed...because after a cursory and very, very sloppy internet search my faith is restored by the images and other content that screams "THE WORLD POSTS WHILE DRUNK." As you all know, we here at DK make a point to always post whilst sober.

Dear God, I think I am a latter day Mr. Hand.

Look, we all know that drunken text messaging...ill-advised boozy emails, photoshops etc are a fact of life. Consider the insanity of the de-motivational posters that have been co-opted to nefarious ends.

Truly, flying sharks would be bad for our species. Perhaps we can counter them with:

The research that leads to the hovertank program naturally will progress to mobile infantry such as the highly lethal Glitter Boy powered armor:

And so on. I would say people have too much free time...but clearly more people are drinking and using powerful, powerful drugs. Where did this shit begin? I blame Dr. Evil.

Thank you Mike Myers. Who among us can forget the dumbassery of the late 90s when everyone droned on and on about sharks-with-frickin-laserbeams...like it was our own joke and the funniest crap anyone has ever heard. Feh. I name this douchery as the pioneer of said movement. Now, look where we are in the decade hence. The fuckers from South Park put a killer whale on the moon...insert your "pwned" or "fail" caption as you will.

Most offensive(and baffling) are the fuckers from Lego that give us this evidence of extreme intoxication:

That's some awful Seaquest shit right there. But wait, what the hell is on those sharks?

Frickin gamma ray lasers. Someone is/was fucked up when this little trinket got the green light. Give the cocksucker lungs and legs as well, masochist. Not to be outdone, the cautionary signage industry has to get in on the action as well. Some high bastard took the time to come up with this somewhat official looking piece of shit:

And so here we are. As reasonable beings, we can conclude:

1. The world is in fact full of functional drunks that are computer-savvy.

2. Sharks seem to be on the minds of nearly all the populace...which makes even less sense when you live in Nebraska, for example.

3. The Austin Powers series was at least one movie too many.

4. The Absinthe-swilling Euros that work at the Lego mill are clearly the world's biggest Dr. Evil fans.

However, one might ask if this bastard movement of amalgams has run its course...does the drinking/technically competent community have something else in store?

Son of a bitch.


UPDATE: Mother of God, they're learning quickly. Siegecraft!

http://www.wwtdd.com/2009/08/oh-we-are-so-screwed/