Have you ever found money when you weren’t expecting it? A crumpled $20 bill found in an old pair of jeans can totally make your day. It’s like the money faerie slipped you a little something extra for no damn reason at all. I just received a check in the mail for exactly $38.27, and like any unexpected “free” money I plan to blow it on whatever the hell I feel like. Right now I feel like booze. Fuck any “responsible or smart” spending, what fun would that be? I’m looking forward to possibly buying a high-end bourbon to ring in the new season. A bottle of Hendricks’s gin or even a couple bottles of wine could do the trick, we’ll see.
I had no idea why I received a check for that amount, and was hesitant about depositing it into my checking account fearing it may be one of those bank scams you hear about so often. But after clearing it with the bank teller who safely identified the source I went ahead and cashed that sucker. Turns out it was payment from a class action lawsuit I was part of several years ago. Hell, I’d forgotten about that many, many brain cells ago. So naturally this comes as a surprise, the good kind of surprise. The only down side of my good fortune is that by self-reporting this news I have alerted a few cadging, drunk friends that will be more than happy to assist me with my endeavors. I may have to hole up at a tavern in deep east Knox County. I may hide in my urban bunker with the phone turned off and refuse to answer the door - a la this. Actually, this is a farce of shit. A huge lie. There was no free money-check. Prank call, Prank call!!
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