What the fuck was that?

"Opium is my business. The bridge mean more traffic. More traffic mean more money. More money mean more power. Speed is important in business. Time is money."---Chung Mee

"You said opium was money." ---Lawrence Bourne III

"Money is Money." ---CM

"Well then, what is time again?"---LB III


The smart and discerning reader probably picked up on the Bloody Mary vibe that Tag gave off earlier in the week. Subtle hints are not this blog's forte. Anyhoo, the authors arranged some time off this week for what we are tentatively calling 'drunk breakfast'

You see, about a month ago the erudite and always level-headed authors decided to take some personal time away from work and get drunk midweek. Breakfast in fact. Thus, with visions of Bloody Bulls and Irish Coffee in our rotten heads we set a day for this ignoble purpose just to see what would happen.

Drunkenness fucking happened, that's what.

A handle of vodka, bottle of Bushmill's, and several growlers were knocked out this day...nearly all of it before 5PM. We started promptly at 8:30 in the AM, with strong Kona coffee and various spices in our tomato juice(clarification: I hate tomatoes, but for some reason I can drink the Bloody Marys) and then proceeded to cook breakfast. Said experiment in cholesterol consisted of: bacon, sausage, country ham, pork loin, eggs, biscuits & gravy, pancakes etc and so forth. Surprisingly this feast went over quite well, as no one expired on my property. That's always a plus.

There is something positively surreal about drinking during the day, indeed, during the morning especially. All the bullshit hoisted upon us by the sober pricks tell us that it's just not cool to get torched in daylight. My motto is fuck those people with a concrete phallus. The truth is quite the opposite. Knocking back a spiked coffee in my bathrobe while aimlessly meandering about in my front yard is exciting and represents everything right and true with the national character. Waving to the working masses like an idiot only increases their curiosity and envy. Tough shit, pal.

Following this ridiculous morning, we further advanced the cause of debauchery with some apple pie, ice cream, and Maker's Mark. Oh yes, it's just not the same without some bourbon folks. I suggest you all try it someday when you have some time to kill.

Which brings me to my temporal points: the real strength and impact of this type of event manifests itself much later. It completely fucks up your circadian pattern. Clearly, we all passed out by early evening...sleeping well into the next day. Couple this with the fact that it was Wednesday and it leaves even the most stalwart drunk bewildered and in some cases without their pants.(conjecture, license)

I really think that for the common good that more people should take a personal or sick day and tie one on early in the morning. It not only maximizes the buzz, but allows the majority of us to wax nostalgic for the days of laying out of class and getting shitfaced on the lake...well, sans the unprotected sex and reckless drive home of course.